Please don’t sing worship songs….
Pray them. Live them.
The other morning I was listening to Heart Abandoned from this year’s Passion album. I was listening to it as I was getting ready for church. Sounds normal right? Well Jesus decided to capitalize on the little time I had a teach me a quick lesson.
The Chorus goes…
“God give me a heart abandoned
Ever after you alone
Gold and silver you can take it
All I want is you my Lord.”
I have listened to and sung these words dozens of times over the past 7 months. But as I was listening to them and struggling through getting ready for church the words took on a new meaning. This chorus sounds great…and it is. But it is a way bigger ask than I think most people, myself included, realize.
“God give me a heart abandoned“
No, I am not asking the Lord to rip people out of my life and leave my heart abandoned by others. In fact I am asking the exact opposite. I am asking the Lord to give me a heart capable of leaving everything and everyone behind for a pure, undistracted devotion to Christ. Umm, that’s huge. Do you really want that? Do I? I am asking for the courage and the strength to abandon the things the world tells me are the most important. The race has taught me a lot about abandonment. I consistently circle back and evaluate how I am doing on “abandonment.” I have never really though about it until this season of my life. I’ve never really had to.
“Ever after you alone”
ForEVER. As in freaking always. Only, into eternity. That’s a globally big commitment. To have a heart for only the Lord not for your own comfort, or your own education, learning experience, your children’s health or well being, our ministry…A heart for ONLY the Lord. I don’t even know what that looks like to be completely honest. But I know one thing, it come through the process of abandonment. If you are still clinging to things you love, you have not made space for Jesus to be preeminent. If you want to a better explanation of this, go listen to John Piper’s sermon from Passion on The Essence of Evil. It sounds intense…our sin and hopelessness IS intense. Praise the Lord we have a gracious interceding savior!!
“Gold and silver you can take it”
Sure, gold and silver. That lyric is a little out of touch for me. How about personal space? Your desire to do things by yourself? Not having to answer to 6 other people to simply get food? Try those on for size. Are you willing to give the Lord space to make you ration your toilet paper, how does 3 squares sound? (That’s real. 4 is a luxury.) For me Gold and Silver is not what I need to give the Lord it is my independence, autonomy, time, efficiency and so forth. The Lord does not waste our time, but are you willing to feel like he is for his Glory? I’m sure Paul felt like his two years in prison felt like a waste of time, but he was a good steward of that time. On Sunday morning I was called again into deeper abandonment. Month 8 race brain has set in. Instead of thinking, “yeah girl, sure you can set your bag here just give me a sec.” My brain is filled with, “seriously, you need these exact two square feet of space? Right now? You can’t wait 5 minutes for me to finish getting ready?” Yes. That’s me. Ugly. Real. And praise the Lord I am forgiven. Living in community is HARD. I am always being refined and the things I need to give to the Lord just keep coming to the surface. I am so so thankful for these women on my team who have grace in spades and the perseverance to live with me as I learn these lessons…even in month 8.
“All I want is you my Lord”
I was reading the forward/introduction to one of Beth Moore’s 90 day studies recently (they’re amazing by the way, I highly recommend them). I was convicted and inspired by the way she explained her relationship with Jesus. She Loves him more than anything. And I mean REALLY loves him. Sitting there I was thinking, “wow I have a ways to go before I’m on her level.” I want a love like that for my savior. I am working on it through time spent in prayer, in scripture and in his presence but at the end of the day Jesus will have to exchange my heart and replace it with one that beats only for him. In my journal I have a spread that has a cross drawn over the middle. All around the cross are things that I have to continually lay at the feet of Jesus. My attitude is on there, my entitlement, expectations, what I think ministry should look like, my desires for the future, etc. They are things that I have identified as things I cling to. I have to lay them at the foot of the cross daily. DAILY.
So here’s my challenge to you this week…
take note of the things that make you frustrated this week. Not WHO, but WHAT. Someone wasting you time? Someone cutting you off in traffic? Someone being dismissive or rude? Now, remove the offending person from the equation and use the situation as a mirror. Ask the Lord to reveal what about that situation is something you need to abandon at the foot at the cross. They might be things you are already aware of, some of them might be new. Are you willing to find out?
