I told God last week that trusting Him was annoying sometimes.
Then He sent a dolphin to jump out of the water directly in front of me, which was beautiful and kind of annoyed me even more.
I know that God is good, I believe it one hundred percent of the time, but it is still hard to believe that you are going to have a lush field soon when you are staring at a pile of manure.
My heart is in a pretty heavy season of grieving. The end of this month will be the end of my time squad leading – which I’ve loved, it’s been one of my favorite seasons of life thus far – plans that I had for after have fallen through and I’m not entirely sure what is next. I have some ideas, but I have to figure this out quickly, plane tickets need to be bought.
I’m in a place where I smile because I’m happy for what is happening, but my heart is crying constantly. I want to live each moment to the fullest, but I look at each moment and see the excitement that should be there and is now ripped away.
So what does this process look like with the Lord? I don’t know, I’m still figuring that out. How do I fully trust that He knows exactly what is in store, yet allow myself the opportunity to grieve?
I read a story recently or maybe someone told me, I don’t exactly remember. It was about a young man who had a horse. One day the horse ran away, the man’s grandfather told him to be open minded because maybe this was the best thing that could have happened. A few months later, the horse returned with a lady horse friend and the family had two horses. The man saw this to be a huge blessing, but the grandfather warned him to be weary, it could be the worst thing to happen. A few weeks later, the man was riding the lady horse and fell off breaking his leg. And it keeps going with situations where you would think it was a huge blessing but in fact it was not or where you would think it was a curse but in fact it was a blessing.
I think that is life. Sometimes we look at the manure and see crap. That’s what it is, so that’s what you see. But you don’t realize that that manure is really fertilizer for the soil and that because of it crops will come, food will be gathered and people will be nourished.
Right now I’m looking at manure and believing in nourishment.
It’s not easy, and some days I’d rather just be a pessimist and have myself a grand ole pity party, but that helps no one.
So I’m trusting – because I’ve seen it so many times before – that the Lord has my good in His interest.
It may be annoying to trust the Lord sometimes, but at least that means He’ll send me dolphins.
