I have a part of my testimony that I am sometimes hesitant to tell people because if they don’t know God, it’s hard to understand. It’s hard for them to forgive people in my life for what has happened to me, but I LOVE telling this story because it exemplifies God’s glory. I wouldn’t be so apt to share it, but something happened in Tanzania that needs telling and I have to give background for it to be understood.
My junior year of high school, God hardened my mother’s heart (I like to relate it to Pharaoh, but some people think that’s silly.) She became very angry with me and we could not get along like we had before. It started as arguments and then became a pretty regular regiment of being spoken down to. I was told often that no one liked me, that I was rude, and that I was a terrible person. On rare occasions the anger would even come out to the point of slapping. It’s not something I enjoy saying about my mother, but King David once had a man murdered because he was selfish, men and women of God mess up all the time, but God’s glory is still seen. I look back now and see that I wasn't completely blameless in these situations, but in my teenage dramatics, I thought I was being terribly wronged!
Eventually, I was so depressed and had no desire to continue, if my own mother didn’t love me, who would? I was to the point where I thought about a variety of ways to commit suicide and it became a very real option in my life. One night, I decided it was THE night, but God had other plans. I had written a letter, got me a bottle of liquor and a bottle of pills, but a small voice inside me said, “You have to work tonight, be responsible, go to work, come back and you can do what you want.” Yes, I know, that sounds ridiculous, but it saved my life and everything was found when I returned home.
I started searching for something, someone in my life that would fulfill me, that would give me the love I so needed. I found the Lord. And He gave me this verse:
“When the world hates you, remember it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, the world would love you as its own. As it is, Ihave chosen you out of the world and THAT is why the world hates you.”
-John 15:18
I’d found love and after a few years, God allowed me to be the last step to leading my mother back to the Lord. She has become actively involved in her church, she works at a church now, she has sent me some of the most encouraging words I could hear during my seasons of ministry, she supports my dreams of serving the Lord full time and we are growing closer and closer as time goes on because of our shared love of Christ.
