Since committing to going on the race, I have been flooded with questions about my readiness and expectations for those 11 months. My go-to answer has usually been a combination of “I’m trying to focus on where I am now so that I can remain present” and “it doesn’t feel real yet.” Friends, let me tell you…it just got real.
Training camp was everything I expected it to be, while also being nothing I could have ever anticipated. It was the perfect storm of getting rocked spiritually, being pushed to every limit and extreme, while being thrown into deep, intentional community. The word “overwhelming” suddenly seems inadequate, but that is the closest I can come to describing my 10 days at training. This will be scattered, but there is not a seamless way to describe it all. So, bear with me.
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Here’s a [not so] secret about me: I get really nervous when thrown into large crowds of strangers I am supposed to love well. My years in campus ministry helped strengthen me in this area, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a anxious wreck at the thought of meeting 31 people I am going to be doing life with for 11 months. I believe the root of this lies in the fact that, above most things, I value authenticity. Mostly in myself. I have been found guilty of “people pleasing” too often in life, and wanted to go into the Race with a firm grasp of my own identity in Christ without a concern of what others would think.
Let me tell you…my squad made it very easy to love and be loved. I have never come across a group of people I loved so deeply, so quickly. Appropriately enough, our title of “L-Squad” quickly transformed into “Love Squad.” We clicked. As shallow as that statement may sound, we instantly saw the Lord’s divine finger prints all over our squad. We recognized how intricately and specifically He chose us, and wove us together. All vastly different. All called with Glorious Purpose. It didn’t take us long to see that we are all a part of something so much bigger than ourselves.
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I would venture to say that I cried every day at training camp. These weren’t sad tears. They were tears of brokenness. Of desperation. Of joy. Of conviction. Whenever Holy Spirit gets to moving, dry eyes are typically the first things to go. We all came face-to-face with dark and heavy things we had been carrying. Whether they were lies we believed about Jesus or shame that had entangled itself into our hearts and minds, it was all rising to the surface. And we were all sifting through our junk together. Necessary? Absolutely. Pleasant? Not at all.
But there is a certain joy that comes from chains being broken. Recognizing strongholds in your life brings a special kind of freedom. You can feel the Lord rejoicing with you. I experienced so many walls tumbling down by just realizing that the Lord sees me as His precious daughter. By proclaiming that I am done believing the love of God is conditional and based on my actions. Surrender and freedom were the dominant themes for me.
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There was one night that one of our squad trainers came up to me during worship. She told me that she felt like the Lord was wanting me to pray bigger, weirder, and more radical prayers. That was a punch in the gut. And she was absolutely right. I write many (if not most) of my prayers in my journal, and I looked back and realized that they all sounded the same. I prayed small, vague prayers. As I read through them, they all just reminded me of shallow conversations.
Adventure has always been a theme within my relationship with Jesus. He is constantly tapping into my adventurous spirit that He created uniquely within me. But how can I expect to go on all of these divine adventures when my communication with the Lord is shallow at best? This was a game changer. I don’t just want any relationship with God. I want depth. I want passion. I want the wildest of adventures. I want radical prayers to be answered. I want intimacy. And I can’t expect to do that without a more zealous prayer life.
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There was a lingering anticipatory tension that seemed to linger whenever someone mentioned team formations. Let me explain. Our squad is 30 people, but they break us up into smaller teams that break up and live/work in different parts of the countries we will go to. In order to break us up, they would put us in small groups and make us do some sort of team building activity that would always involve a lot of communication and collaboration. We would debrief and talk about how it went. And then do it again the next day with a slightly different team. We did this for three days.
Finally, on the final day of team formations, I looked around at the 5 people I was placed with and knew it was right. We all knew. I legitimately teared up because it was too perfect. None of us could have picked that team out if we tried. It was all the Lord. I don’t know why I am always so stunned when I realize He does in fact know what He is doing.
Once our teams were officially announced, they let us go out and make memories together in Gainesville. We ate pizza and ice cream, drank coffee, laughed, grew, and bonded. We wrestled throughout the night about what to name our team. The word “wild” was thrown around, and we tried to find unique and catchy things that incorporated our “wild” theme. And then it clicked. We were back at camp and all praying together (because our team is one that prays constantly), when one of my teammates prayed something about God being wild about us, and us being wild about God. And there is was.
We are the Wild Abouts. We are wild about God. Wild about prayer. Wild about healing. Wild about joy. Wild about the power of Holy Spirit. Wild about unity. Wild about South America. Wild about each other.
Fabian, our fearless leader. I have never met someone who is as in tune with Holy Spirit as He is. His passion and zeal for the work of God leaves me speechless. Corrie, who simply oozes authenticity. This girl makes you want to drop every mask you put up and strive to be yourself through and through. Alli, so full of life, adventure, and discernment. She is wisdom and a breath of fresh air for everyone who has the privilege of encountering her. Neal, the solid, grounding rock of our team. This guy embodies radical obedience and is filled with Truth. Morgan, peace and gentleness floods every room she walks into. Her heart for the Lord and others is so purely unique.
This is our team. Stay tuned to see what else we become wild about.
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I know these were just small snapshots of training. But as I struggle to process it all, snapshots are all I can offer. The Lord moved in big ways. And I want the world to see just a little bit of what that looked life for 30 people whose lives were radically changed.
