I am standing on a dirt road. A white line is engraved on the dirt below my feet. I am on the border of home and launch**.
As I look behind me I see Miami’s beautiful palm trees, my car driving on Bird Road. Familiar exit’s past by as I drive onward. Memories begin to flash before my eyes. Memories of family gatherings, highschool, UM tailgates, dysfunctional relationships, and lost friendships. I am in a literal Limbo.
This limbo feels much like staying and leaving simultaneously— it’s constantly lingering as I hope to find the right ground to lay my restless feet on. The “Home” that currently exists can be seen like pictures on a slideshow. It is where so many feelings lie.
The feeling of being a daughter that doesn’t reach expectations, a struggle to cement the relationship between myself and my siblings, an inability to find my path, and a façade with those around me; one that is merely a reflection of the past and what I once. The line between the border of home and launch was drawn when I decided to do the world race. The World Race has created this limbo. Why?
The trouble with limbo is that you know what lies behind you is useless. Yes, you can learn from it but it’s an unchangeable life circumstance. Meanwhile, I am stuck behind the line, waiting for launch— for what feels like my life to start. For the ability to finally change the only thing I’ve ever had control over— myself.
I am writing this blog for future racers—I understand your state of limbo. It’s driven by fear and sadness and simultaneously—excitement for this awesome adventure that – despite support—you spend your days counting down towards. There is more to you than home and there is more to you than launch.
The white line is below my feet. Time is running out and soon, I have no option but to cross it and walk towards the new adventure that is launch and the World Race. And in that place, I will find my identity away from all borders.
my creative processing journal entry from Training Camp
***”Launch” is the name of the day I leave on the World Race
