Training Camp,
You are quite literally the worst thing I’ve ever done. You broke me into a thousand little pieces that I could never pick up on my own. You made me sweat more than I thought was humanly possible. You forced me to be uncomfortable 24/7. You put a whole different meaning to the word “exhaustion”. You dug deep into my past and pushed me to deal with the crazy mess that is my broken heart. You took “mystery meat” to a whole new level (and it was terrifying). You made me pack and repack and set up my tent and take down my tent more times than I can count. You stressed me out. You made me cry. You made me sick. And worst of all, you made me spend every waking hour with 50 other crazy girls.
And I loved every. last. second of it.
To say that TC was difficult is such an understatement, but at the same time, it was one of the best weeks of my life. These past 10 days wrecked me more than I ever dreamed possible, and when people ask me how it went, it’s almost an injustice to begin to describe what transpired in my heart because it was just that crazy good. I’ve never been broken down so much, but man oh man is this the most beautiful kind of brokenness.
Why is it so beautiful? It’s all because through the shattered pieces of my fragmented heart, I’ve been able to discover the heart of our sweet, sweet Father.
There is an inescapable freedom that comes with abandonment, and training camp taught me the art of abandonment that makes for a life full of that freedom and joy we’ve always longed for. This abandonment draws you closer to the vastness of our Father’s love, and in that love, I’ve been able to feel truly alive. I have never danced so freely, sung so loudly, or sweat so profusely during a worship service in my life. I’ve never had a group of strangers become beloved sisters in such a short period of time, and I’ve never been so full of this much peace and joy. The Holy Spirit is SO alive and so well on this earth, and who would’ve thought that I would find my freedom in Gainesville, Georgia?
So, Training Camp, you were the hardest and simultaneously the best week of my life because you pushed my limits and showed me the most intimate corners of community. You made me so uncomfortable that I had no other choice but to lean on my sisters and my friend, Jesus. You exhausted every fiber of my being only so that I could find my rest in the Holy Spirit. You broke me so that I could be put back together in the most beautiful of ways. You forced me to deal with my messy heart so that I could recognize the freedom that I so greatly lacked, and you made me spend every waking hour with a bunch of strangers just so that I could love with with an unconditional sort of love.
Friends, I hope you don’t read this in the wrong way. TC was harder than hard, but let me tell you something, I have never felt such a sense of belonging in a place like that. It broke me down and built me back up again, and for that, I am so eternally grateful. My heart is full, and I’ve never felt the Father’s love in a more personal way. So, yes, training camp was the worst, but it was the worst in the best of ways. Confusing, right?
If you have questions, I would LOVE to tell you more about it and explain the mixed emotions that come along with TC!
40 days until I’m reunited with my sisters and move to CAMBODIA!
