A casual conversation about baptism came up during my first month on the Race in South Africa. My team was sitting around our living room having one of our infamous late night chats about life and it came up that two my teammates hadn't been baptized. Those who had been shared our stories about it and when it was my turn to talk, I realized my baptism had occurred a couple of years prior to committing my life to Christ. I hadn't "technically" been baptized!
I tucked the thought away and said to myself that it would probably happen later in during the Race when the Lord made it clear to do it or when I really connected with a particular place but the topic kept coming up. I celebrated with both of my teammates when they got baptized and had the privilege of actually dunking my close friend and squadmate. Baptism was becoming a monthly thing in my life but I still didn't have any particularly strong nudge from the Lord to do it yet.
Fast forward three months to Debrief this past week. Our squad was taking a few days to relax, catch up with one another, and process through the previous months in Swaziland and Mozambique in San Felipe, a beautiful beach community five hours outside of Manila in the Philippines. I entered Debrief in an exhaustive state; I was emotionally, spiritually, and physically depleted from a month of juggling complicated dynamics and a 4 day travel adventure from Africa to Asia where sleep was nonexistent (which did not help with my recovery efforts). Mozambique had grown and stretched me in ways I hadn't anticipated and I needed Debrief to sit and process through it all. I found myself attempting to unwind by wandering the beach with one of my teammates early on during the week. In the middle of our conversation before I realized what I was saying, I voiced to him that I was going to get baptized during the week. We carried on with our conversation and that was the last I thought about it until I woke up Thursday morning knowing that was the day it was going to happen. Thursday's schedule was already crammed with meetings and sessions so I had no idea what it would look like so last minute so I waited to see how the day unfolded.
I had the opportunity to spend some quality time Thursday morning with my girl Kiersten and again found myself walking along the shore, thinking about baptism. After hashing out our months and sharing what the Lord has been teaching us, I realized how so much of my focus thus far on the Race has been on my team and team dynamics. Sure, I am the team leader so a certain amount of that was to be expected because of my role but what I hadn't fully realized was how much of my mental space and energy I was allowing my team take up. I knowingly came on the Race to live in intentional community and wrestle through the challenge of living and working and loving five other people but more than that, I came to grow in my relationship with the Lord and further explore what it means to be His beloved. Somehow that priority had gotten jumbled up in the chaos and beautiful mess of community.
After our walk, Kiersten and I plopped down on the sand and continued talking. At one point I told her I wanted to get baptized today but didn't know when it would happen or what it would look like. All I knew was that I wanted her to baptize me but I hadn't thought about it beyond that. Because of my past experiences with baptism, I assumed a mass of people with cameras was required but after reading an account of Jesus' baptism aloud, Kiersten wisely pointed out that the Bible says nothing about a crowd on the other side of the Jordan whooping and hollering when Jesus came up from the water. She then turned and looked at me dead in the eye and asked, "What do you need?". In that moment, I knew and verbalizing the profound truth tasted sweeter than honey. "Only Jesus" I responded. Kiersten got this crazy smile and exclaimed, "Then lets get in that water!"
So we did. We waded out into the South China Sea and Kiersten asked me a few questions, prayed over me, and then baptized me in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
I came up from those waters with a sense of peace that is unexplainable. The burdens I had been carrying, the pressure I had been putting on myself, the questioning and lies running through my head evaporated and were replaced with the simple truth that I am God's daughter with whom He is well pleased.
We lingered in the water, worshipping our Father whose presence was so clearly present. All I could do was float in the water, reveling in the freedom I was experiencing, and let waves of grace and mercy wash over me. Having nothing weighing me down allowed me to bask in the all encompassing love of a Father who requires nothing of His children.
I did not want to leave the water; the freedom and joy I was experiencing was intoxicating. As I let the current pull me down along the beach, I heard the Lord quietly say that I could stay in the water as long as I wanted but when I did decide to walk out, I would exit the waters with a new boldness that I did not possess when I first entered. He reminded me that Jesus exited the waters with a new boldness that propelled him into the beginning of his ministry.
My baptism marks a reorientation, both for my Race but also in my life. My gaze is fixed on the Lord and it is in Him that my identity is found. It is through Jesus that I have been redeemed and I have the opportunity to walk in that freedom every day. These truths are reverberating in my heart in an entirely new way and I am excited to see how they mold and grow me as I continue to step into the fullness of Christ.
Simply the best.
