i recently realized that god can free me. i realized that rather than struggling or hoping for temporary encouragement, i can have freedom.
comparisons are interesting perspectives and only offering death. i was told recently, “when you begin comparing yourself to others, its over.” seems so reasonable and practical but much more of an obstacle than it appears.
i came through the door and sat down in my frustration and found myself in a very familiar place. i found myself in a place of self doubt, self dislike, self pity, self deprecation. i looked up and saw my new friend caitlin and asked her if i could be completely vulnerable with her. i began to talk of how i feel so inglorious, so unattractive, so unworthy, so incapable. as she listened and as i spoke, i realized i am back in a familiar place where i usually awaited temporary encouragement. i was waiting for her to tell me i am not overweight, i am worthy, i am beautiful, i am needed, i am, i am, i am……however, this particular moment in my familiar place was different this time. it was different because i realized rather than wanting an outsider’s perspective and temporary encouragement, i wanted freedom. i wanted my king, my insider’s freedom that only He could supply. i wanted freedom from this familiar place, i wanted freedom from my mind being cluttered with insignificant, endless thoughts of insecurity. i wanted my thoughts to be on things of the kingdom.
in the midst of our conversation, god was saying to me, lets start over lynds. lets begin anew. forget all of our foundations you have built for yourself, all of your walls, all of your accomplishments, all of your thoughts of what you think you know. listen to people, advice, words as if you have never heard them before. remember that my mercies are new every morning. starting in this moment, you have a clean slate. you are beginning again. hear things as if you have never heard them before. find your identity in ME, I AM.
I challenge you to begin again. ask god for freedom rather than running to others for temporary encouragement. ask god for a new mind. ask god for thoughts of the kingdom.
