Walking off the plane to Launch a year ago, I was put together, knew my Bible, was a good leader, I was good with people and overall just a really good Christian. Yet, 11 months later after walking back onto US soil, I am none of those things.
11 months. You never think Final Debrief will happen. We say “don’t have expectations” but we all know we still have them even if we don’t realize it. I will admit that before the World Race I thought I was pretty awesome and expected to have it all together at the end of the year. But instead, I know less than I did when I started. I had the beginning of future dreams and was pretty sure I knew what God was going to have me do with my life. But now, I have no idea.
My passions are different
My dreams are bigger
My mind is more open to things I was completely against doing
Yet still no direction
I was ruined this year. Instead of “being put together” I am a broken mess that desperately needs Jesus. Instead of being a good leader, I am learning to listen and follow Jesus instead of leading my own life. It didn’t take long to understand that pleasing people is not loving people well.
Overall I was a pharisee instead of a disciple. I was so concerned with who I was or what I was doing that I didn’t see that Jesus was calling. He wanted me to drop all the “good” things I thought was making me an awesome person. Instead, He simply asks me to come as I am. As He made me. And no, I am not perfect. I am messy. But He loves me and wants me to be free from the things that don’t love me back.
So no, I have no idea what I am “doing with my life” but no longer is my identity wrapped up in what I do. Instead, it is in WHO I serve.
“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
Matthew 10:39
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I made it to India with Q Squad. Updates to come soon on India and Squad Leading!
