“Burned out? Me? Nah. That can’t be. You’re only burned out if you’re sick of your job. I love all three of my jobs. There’s no way I’m burned out”
Yeah, can you say denial.
So lets face it:
Hello. My name is Lydia Flowers. I am a stressed out work-aholic.
Over the last two years I have learned what being “burned out” looks like for me. Working two jobs, a internship, going to school to get my masters degree, working on my relationship with the Lord, and preparing for the race has left me completely, 100% burned out. There were days at work where someone would say something to me at work and I would be so stressed I would just start balling and praying and begging to leave my job. Then there were moments where I would look into my clients eyes and wonder how on earth I could ever want to leave I am helping out so much.
And for the last two years I have been floating awkwardly between the blissful content of working and satisfying a resume & a mental breakdown on explosion…
So lets be honest anyone in their right mind for two years straight trying to balance 40 hours a week between two jobs + three masters classes + an 16 hour a week internship + missions would be stressed, overwhelmed, overworked, and worn down into nothing.
Do not get me wrong, a 23 year old college graduate who is working to get her masters, lands three jobs all in her field of social work. Who wouldn’t want to be a foster parent supervisor, a Cuban/Haitian caseworker, and a resident assistant working with seniors who have dementia as a college graduate?
But when my attitude turns into sour, angry, rude, and disrespectful feelings and emotions towards completing my job I know something is wrong. When I am staring blankly at my computer without being able to process what to do next I know my brain is being overworked. I am about to embark on one of the greatest adventures of my life and yet…. I am angry at not being able to have control as a supervisor in cases at work. I knew I had to get my priorities straight.
I’m done. There is nothing left to give, and heaven knows how I managed to survive these last two years without shaving my head and pulling a Brittany. How will I be able to have the strength and endurance to make it through these 11 months, if I am struggling with getting out of bed each day because I am not properly recharged.
My mentor a few months ago had God tell her Matthew 14:28…. And I believed it for a few hours until it came to me actually committing to putting in my two weeks. Thanks Jennie I grant you permission to tell me “I told you so.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” 29 “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
So I have been drowning for the last few months, because my faith was weak and I doubted that God had all this under control. See I thought (and my family greatly encouraged me) to do this on my own. AKA work more hours and you will have more money to put towards your trip. I have officially stopped listening to my family and I am putting all my faith in God and stepping out on the water.
So today was my last day at New Hope Foster Homes and I put my resignation in for my Elmcroft about a month ago. I will now be only working 16 hours a week two days a week at Kentucky Refugee Ministries working on my Spanish.
While I am sad to see that part of my life end, I know that it served its purpose, and that I’ll always be welcomed back. I feel so at peace, without all the stress and energy draining positions. I know that now I am standing where God wants me to be because I am not getting the constant knock on my head of ‘Lydia you are not listening to me” yet again.
So now with a right mind, peaceful heart, and calm attitude I will take a few days to recharge. It’s time for me to spend some much needed time with God, cross some things off the to-do list, catch up on sleep. Hang out with multiple friends, make memories of the last summer before launch, and sit down and rest for more than 5 minutes at a time.
After all, that’s the only way I’ll ever be ready for this trip. By slowing down, elimination stress, and filling myself up on the word and God’s truths!
