I’ve struggled for words to describe what I’ve been feeling and experiencing these first few weeks on the race. Usually I can sit down in one setting and just unleash all the feels. I think this blog was picked up 4 or 5 different times. So if you are reading and start noticing how thoughts don’t really flow….. That’s because they probably don’t, haha!
I have felt this pressure to write a beautifully poetic blog that depicts what is happening here in the Philippines but have honestly been at a loss for words. So just for a minute close your eyes. (But continue reading so you know what to do with said closed eyes) Now picture, if you can, what the heart of God looks like. Some of you may be picturing a literal heart (“The fault in our stars” reference) some of you may see a scene or beautiful imagery. It’s so hard to incapsulate the beauty of who He is and the vastness of His heart.
Growing up I’ve often heard my mother say things like “my heart is overflowimg” it’s usually when one of us kids has done something awesome (naturally 
) and she is so proud! Or when we’re all home in the same room just laughing and spending precious time with each other. I find the word ” overflowing ” to be exactly what my heart is experiencing while on this island. My heart is overflowing with all the good stuff. Through all of this I cannot help but think of the heart of the Father and His love for us. I can’t imagine what His heart does when he sees his children loving one another, overcoming adversity and joining together under the same umbrella of grace that unites us all. I imagine we bring a smile to His face when we love one another unconditionally.
I’ve been here just over a week and already feel as if I’ve been here a lifetime. I’ve been lost in the eyes of Hugo, the baby boy living in the orphanage with 15 other infants in Manila. His big brown eyes and His gentle spirit reminds me of the peace the Holy Spirit has given me to continue this journey. When I held him the first time his eyes locked onto mine and we sat there for sometime this way. One look in his eyes and I instantly knew that I would love him forever and that I would never forget his gentle and sweet spirit. I can’t help but think of how the love I that I possess for the children we’ve encountered is not even a fraction of the love our Heavenly Father has for us as His creation. While I may sit in my container house at night, dripping sweat and wondering why I signed up for this thing in the first place….. It all makes sense the minute I’m holding the hand of Até Evangeline as we pray over her and bless the meal she just prepared us. Her nurturing and silly spirit brings so much joy. Her heart is to serve us and my heart is to serve her. What a beautiful explosion of grace and mercy. To love unconditionally because of the love we were shown on the cross. I’m so thankful for the Love of Jesus. I’m so grateful for the level playing field we all find ourselves because of His sacrifice.
My heart is in a million directions but in the midst of it all I find joy. There’s joy in my selfless teammates who serve tirelessly to those around us and especially in serving one another. There’s joy in having a place to lie my head at night even if it’s next to a spider as big as my face! There’s joy in the table and chairs our friends built even if we’re constantly covered in ants and flies. Last night we were out in the town square doing some shopping for a replacement daypack and we saw some of our kids. Everyday we put in some labor at the shipping container that we live in this month and in the rock field right outside. Afterwards we go to Street Light and hangout with the street kids who come for schooling, food, a safe place and love. As we walked around we saw a glimpse of what their weekends look like on the street. Our ministry contact Leah told us that the weekends are really rough for the kids whereas they do not stay at the house at these times. Most kids sniff chemicals to help with hunger pains and to survive the street life. Most have become addicted. When they come into Street Light during the day they usually crash because they’ve been awake all night. That’s their reality. I remember hearing about this but it didn’t sink in until last night when we ran into the kids. Even when we had a place to sleep and eat at the end of each day, they were still there. Two of the boys lead us over to one of my favorite kids, Jun Jun. But when I looked into the eyes of the crumpled up boy sitting in the corner just out of the rain, I barely recognized him. He was clearly high and barely coherent as we tried to get him to respond and make sure he was ok. He barely cracked a smile. In that moment I fought back tears. This is his reality. I am so thankful that God has Leah and Megan in Cagayan De Oro to be a light in the darkness. Eventually these kids will have houses and beds and a safe place to transition out of street life but until then they live a reality that millions of children live. I pray that the light inside of us as Christians continues to light up the dark places in this world. And that the love of Jesus shines through us to wreak havoc on the enemy and break strongholds in Jesus’s name. When we walk in victory, the enemy has to flee. I pray that when we share Jesus with people that they find rest and comfort . Even though these kids live in the streets they have a home in Christ. I want my life to be a testament to this. No matter where or who I may find myself with I will remain steadfast in the love of my Heavenly Father.
There’s joy in experiencing hardship and discomfort because we serve the creator of life. And in giving us life He has given us grace and because we experience grace we can learn to operate in it. When we operate in grace we experience living and loving the way God intended for us to live. And I don’t know about you…. But I know He’s a good Father. That’s just who He is! And living in His love is the only place I’d ever feel home. There’s so much peace and joy in abiding in Him. I hope the race continues to wreck my team and I. I can’t afford to return the way I left and I won’t.
