4 days!
That’s right! On July 24th, I will be boarding an early flight back to America and making my way home.
The feels and emotions are everywhere right now. They come and go and sometimes I can’t explain them all.
Anxious. Excitement. Nervousness. Sadness.
But one feeling for sure that I am no longer feeling is fear.
See, for months now, I’ve been in fear of the unknown for my future. I’ve spent a lot of time in prayer and asking God for some vision and clarity. While I prayed and had dreams about going to an art school in Spain, He soon revealed to me that it was not the right timing for me and He shut that door. Honestly, it wasn’t the answer I expected. I was frustrated actually, (which I obviously worked through with Him) and soon it turned into an overwhelming fear of the future, especially for someone of my age (eeek!). So, with so many questions in mind, I tried to figure out what life would look like once I returned back to America.
What kind of job should I get?
Do I really want to go back into the corporate world like I’ve been in for last 10 years?
I know God can still use me in the states, but is that what He really wants for me?
How will everyone have changed?
How will I adapt back into society after all the change that I’ve personally experienced?
How can I still make an impact in America as I have around the world?
Sadly, I was also recently in fear of returning back home to America. Our country and nation has gone through lots of changes in the past 11 months and in the most recent months it seems as though things have just gotten worse.
All the division. All the hate. All the terror. All the heartache.
We’ve see it all (even with our limited wifi) and can’t help but be heartbroken and in fear of all that we will be returning home to. A nation with so much brokenness and lost hope. Each day it seems as though we hear more bad news, whether political fueds or attacks where innocent people are being killed. A new headline of another terrorist attack. Another killing over racial controversies. You then hear about local news around your hometown and worry about your family’s safety. It only makes you wonder what other bad news has occurred under those headlines that haven’t been shared. Sadly, it’s as though these things have just become a normal thing in our world.
In the last few weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time sitting at the feet of Our Father, asking Him to help me understand all of this fear over my future and this crazy world that we live in. In those quiet, intimate moments, He spoke so much truth and poured a great amount of peace into my heart.
You see, He began reminding me that “He did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” 2 Timothy 1:7
With so much bad news going on around our nation, we have two options:
1) We could live our lives in fear of man and this world.
OR
2) We can live our lives in the freedom that we have in Christ, knowing that God is still on His throne and that there is still hope.
We are disciples of Him and the Holy Spirit lives in us! We have the power of God to overcome all the darkness! We do not need to live in fear of what America will turn into because we know that Jesus overcame the world and one day (soon) He will be making His return. Satan will be crushed and lose the battle. We will soon live in a place where no evil or darkness will exist. Praise God for that!
As for my personal life, I’ve spent so many years thinking my life had to look a certain way and if it didn’t then I would work my hardest to make it the way I wanted it to be. I depended so much on my own security to support myself.
Well good news! God has been transforming this gal’s heart because she knows darn well that she cannot depend on herself.
I’ve been learning what it means to fully surrender my life to Him and finding my security only in Him. He’s washed away all my fears of the unknown and has giving me so much peace in knowing that he’s gone before me and He’s going ahead of me so I don’t need to worry about what He already has destined for me. I also don’t need to be afraid of whether or not I make the wrong decision. There is no wrong or right decision if I’m continually pursuing Him. I know that whatever decision I make, He will honor it so long as I continue to abide in Him. As I’ve grown in a more intimate relationship with Him, my ultimate desire is to position myself into doing His Kingdom work here on earth, as long as I’m still on this earth. So, I am no longer in fear of what God is calling me into, whether that means staying in America, or serving in another country (like Honduras!). It’s His will, not mine!
I also know that He places a lot more value into our hearts desires than we do for ourselves. He desires for our desires to come true and therefore I trust that He will continue to honor and bless the next season of my life, whatever that may be.
As I look at the timing of our return home, it’s evident that God has prepared us for such a time as this. To go back into our nation and be the light to those that are lost and need it the most. To be the hope and love that has been lost. To love like it’s our last day on earth. To love like HE loved. To walk out what love looks like, what love sounds like, and what love feels like.
So, let’s go and bring Kingdom down into our nation!
My Prayer: Father God, I commit and surrender everything that I am and everything that I do to You, God. Continue to show me and lead me into the darkness to be Your shining light, regardless of where that may take me. Guide my heart, God, to be aligned with Your will for my life. In Your Holy and Mighty name, Jesus Christ, I pray, Amen.
