Month 1 in Haiti has come to a close and Im left with celebrations, questions, regrets, and very fond memories. It is difficult to answer questions like, “How was your month in Haiti?” that come from my squad mates that were not as the same location as me. The vast range of emotions and memories i have are elusive in my attempts to convey my time in Haiti. Bolivia has offered me a chance to sit in silence as i soak in the Holy Spirit and listen to the still small voice of my Creator.
My heart is in a place of vulnerability and rawness in which God has full range to mold me. That is a joyous change in my life. I trust my Heavenly Father. I know He loves me. I know He has me in the palm of His hand. I don’t exactly know all the places He will take me as I ponder my last month and look forward to the next months ahead, but i am confident that as long as He pulls me closer to His heart, my life will be radically changed, never to be the same. My identity is Christ is simple, Im the son of the King of Kings and He has called me His. He has fearfully and wonderfully made me. He has called me an Heir to the Throne and i am victorious through Jesus Christ. Every issue i have was settled at the Cross. Each day, i pursue to see myself the way God does. Jesus’ eyes are my mirror. I am confident as i face my fears, challenges, and weaknesses that all chains are broken. I have no need to pursue a life in which i perform or manufacture something to make me worthy to be loved. I realize that I can never save myself, I was saved 2000 years ago on a cross. The victory has been won.
I desire spiritual gifts manifested in my life, i want to experience signs and wonders, I want to pray fervently and seek God diligently. I want to be a friend of God just as Moses was. I want to meet God everyday and see new sides of Himself. I want to be transformed and filled with the Holy Spirit. I want to be captivated and enveloped in the mystery and goodness of God. My life is my spiritual act of worship. Sin has lost its power and death has lost its sting. I am on a journey. A journey to find something elusive… an adventure to recover my heart.
As a man, i desire a battle to fight, an adventure to life, and a beauty to rescue. But first, i must be rescued, I must be validated, and i must be granted permission to live. God is speaking to me each day. Each day i must forgive, repent, and dive deeper into the life God has blessed me with. I am being given a new name, just as Abraham and Paul were. I don’t fully understand my purpose but i know that i have the right to fight for the lost, comfort the needy, and give life to all i come in contact with. Haiti, how you have given me a beautiful tease. Glory be to God now and forevermore.
