So far my time in Bolivia has been filled to the brim with minor annoyances, changed plans, and visa issues. While dealing with one or two of these is manageable, having two weeks straight of “little things” turns out to feel like a pretty big deal. Oh and my computer got stolen during my 48 hours of riding on a bus.
Then your teams starts to melt down and you get news that a family dearly close to yours is grieving the loss of their 18 year old son. Then those minor annoyances are overshadowed by the lesson of how to grieve when you’re far from home. I didn’t know how quickly the handwriting of my mom’s note would bring me to tears. It was finally time to open the envelope that had “for a hard day” written on it. I’ve gotten teary on this race hearing heart breaking stories and seeing firmament, but this was the first time I’ve wept. While my tears crashed onto my straw bed I wondered if this was what is was like when Joseph wept over his family because I’m sure I awoke some napping teammates in the neighbouring room.
Right now all the feels have gotten some good hits in. I know how real this pain is. I know how hot and sweaty I am. I know that my best friend on the race is in another part of Bolivia. I know that my computer got stolen so I’m writing this on said best friend’s computer. I know things are hard.
And I know that feeling can feel real and that doesn’t mean they’re true.
Because the truth is there’s tons of good happening even though it might not feel like it. The truth is I can write my own story and step into the Father’s love anyways. The truth is that this part of my journey will only last another two weeks and I can make it another two weeks. The truth is I have amazing people supporting me and amazing people around me.
The truth is that even though it’s hard and I can’t say I understand it, this is where the Lord wants me.
Also for those of you who would like a practical step on how to deal with hard days, I suggest writing down a list of good things. It’s something a wise women (my mom) taught me to do when cuss hits the fan.
Here was my list of good things today. I’ve eaten twice today. I have Lucie’s computer. Anna is helping lift team spirits. I’m helping lift team spirits. This is where the Lord wants us and He’s still sovereign. Ice cream. Avocado. The south. Old fashions. Kelly King. Kate Kovach. My brothers. Ande. Meg. Good headphones. My mom’s hand writing. Odell. Chocolate. Compassion. Riddles
