I have no idea what’s next … where I’m going to live, where I’m going to work, not even what I want to do. I have no clue. I have no plan whatsoever. So what am I going to do about that? Absolutely nothing. I have never in my life not had a plan. I’m so type-A that I came out of the womb with a schedule in hand. I have always had my next step planned out, but guess what, that approach to life has only lead me to this place …. a place where I’m so far from where I thought I’d be. If you had asked me right out of high school where I thought I’d be in 10 years, I knew exactly where I’d be, or at least so I planned. I planned to have a degree in education, teaching full time, be married, and have two children. I have none of that, but that’s okay. But I also would have never thought I’d travel the world, live on 3 continents in one year, see Mt. Everest, raft the Nile River (and so much more).
How in the world did I end up here …. sitting in Vietnam, homeless, jobless, contemplating what’s next for me? I’ll tell you how I ended up here …. I lost control of my life and let God take over. I let go and let God! There’s a reason that my life hasn’t ever looked like I anticipated or planned, because I was always determining my next move, trying to make my own life happen. It wasn’t until I relinquished all control to God and turned everything upside down that I realized that as long as I keep trying to plan out my life, it will never be what it’s supposed to be.
You know the old saying …. We plan, God laughs. It’s not that God wants me to just sit back and let life happen. I have to be an active participant …. participant, not leader. So right now, I’m just participating. I’m going wherever God sends me. This month, Vietnam. Next month, Malaysia. Then, the good ole’ USA. Once I’m home, I know things will look different. I don’t feel like God is calling me anywhere other than home. He’s given me my Kingdom Dream, but until that becomes more of a reality, I just want to pursue whatever path he sets before me. Old me would be freaking out because I have no idea where I’m going to work and how I’m going to pay my bills when I get home, but God has continuously proven to me that he does and will continue to provide for me. Matthew 6:25-34
I’m sure God is sitting up there just shaking his head at me, saying “Child, I wanted you to loosen the reins on your life, but now I need you to get a grip.” I know that a job isn’t just going to fall into my lap. I mean, it could, but I know that I need to take action. I need to have an idea of what I’d like to do, a direction that I’d like to go. All I know is that I don’t want to go back to the life I left, working a job that I hate only because it’s financially comfortable. I want to go to work where Jesus is definitely present, and not just in me. I want to be in an environment where Jesus is welcome. I just can’t imagine going back into the secular job force. A valuable lesson I’ve learned is that it’s not so much about what I want to do but more about who I want to work for. This was like an epiphany for me. There are multiple organizations I’d love to work for. I’d even love to work for my church. And I wouldn’t even care what I’d be hired to do. I’d just love to be in those communities and working towards a bigger picture that I support. So that’s the question that consumes me right now …. who do I want to work for?
So that’s my long answer to the question ….. what’s next? I have no idea, but I know that God has something big for me in the works. He didn’t have me turn my life upside down just so I could put it back together myself. He wanted me to see that His plan for me is far better than any plan I could have devised myself. As soon as I know what that looks like, I’ll let you know! 🙂
