These past two weeks have been eye-opening and wonderful for me. When I’ve struggled through the day, I’ve been able to hear God whisper, “Why are you complaining? Look where you’re at! Look at how I am using you and could use you more if you’d just stop complaining about the petty things and see it!” If that’s not more of a wake-up call than my 5:00AM high-pitch bell ringing, I’m in tons of trouble!
After the struggles this week, I finally realized that my stress and frustration wasn’t a result of the heat, dirty feet, lack of a real shower, constant community, or even the constant stickiness of the air here in Cambodia. Nope. It was the fact that I was completely empty spiritually. While pouring out into the students, interns, and whoever else we have come into contact with over the past week, I forgot (and simply haven’t had the time) to fill up – quietly and alone with God. That being said, after last night’s failed attempt for a night of worship with other World Racers, “I found my life, when I laid it down.”
I was standing singing the words off the wall of a rooftop in Cambodia with other racers and just could not feel the Holy Spirit. I prayed earnestly seeking the Lord, and He revealed to me that it wasn’t until “my knees hit the ground” that I could “touch the sky.” So there I was sitting at “His feet again” yearning for more of Him. With everything in me I was “reaching out” and relying on these other racers to fill me with their songs and their worship, when really I needed to just get alone with God and fill up for myself. So this morning….I did just that.
I can feel “my soul breathing” again. My “spiriting soaring” again. Above all the craziness and randomness this journey brings. My cry for God to “set a fire down in my soul that I can’t contain – that I can’t control” has taken off yet again. There is “no place I’d rather be – but right here in His love.” Not only is His love shown to me through the students and my team members, but I also get to feel it travel through me from the heavens and see it reach out to the people in my day-to-day life. All I can do is daily pray for God to continue to “pour it out” over the ministry sight, the teachers, the interns, the students, the city, the country, and across the world. “I want more” of His love to be shown and spread in the hopes to see thousands upon thousands come to know Him and change the world for His glory.
In the mornings and throughout my day, I try my best to “cast my mind to Calvary.” When I can see “His wounds,” it’s so much easier to look past my scrapes and bug bites. When I can see “His hands,” it’s so much easier to appreciate what mine can do to bless others. When I can see “His feet,” it’s so much easier to dismiss my pet-peeve of dirt on my feet.
At times, Calvary brings me to tears, but lately Calvary has been reminding me of what I’m doing here. This trip isn’t for me to see the beautiful world He has made. This trip isn’t for me to abandon anything back home in hopes of relaxation and freedom. This trip isn’t anything other than spreading God’s gospel and love to those who need to know the hope and salvation He has to offer. Through that comes all the benefits and being shaped personally by Him. It’s important for us all to remember that our Messiah is “Messiah still,” and if I had to stand “all alone” to proclaim that, I would. Because He did that for me…on Calvary.
“Forevermore” I’ll serve Him with a thankful heart and willing spirit. For “endless days I will sing His praise.” What about you? Is this life just days full of riding the struggle bus and seeing Calvary as a sad day in history? Or is life more than just a countdown of your numbered days and Calvary more than just a sad day in history?
