I previously mentioned that the first few days of Training Camp was filled with sessions. In these sessions, speakers spoke about mourning our losses, forgiveness, and brokenness, in which the Lord used to break out hearts.
I knew, and expected to be wrecked by God in remarkable ways at Training Camp, but I never knew the extent He was willing to go to fully break me of myself.
After barely meeting our squad mates, we shared a bit of our testimonies, and how we've been hurt and broken. I didn't want to share my testimony at all. I hate drawing attention to my past, but, the Lord comforted me, and gave me a peace about it. So, I shared my story of heartbreak, addiction, and abuse.
As I began to share my story, a strange feeling came over me. A lie in my head was telling me that my past didn't bug me anymore, and that I was fine. That the only reason I was sharing my testimony in the first place, was because I was desperate for attention.
But, I knew that to be false. And so did the Lord.
Let me take you back to before I knew Him.
My parents have been divorced ever since I can remember.
I grew up being abused in every aspect.
I continually watched my mom suffer from lust and heartbreak.
I grew up alone. Away from all family and friends.
I turned to adrenaline and pornography to release my anger and pain.
I watched my sister get her heart shattered, then turn in the wrong direction.
Until God grabbed a hold of me, I was never content with my life. I tried to forget everything by building up walls, and putting up a front. But deep down, I was breaking. My soul was screaming to be set free.
I was looking for hope.
I was looking for love.
And I found love. But, without allowing myself to be filled, and centered on Christ, it crumbled between my fingertips.
The best part about this terrible tale, is that my God redeems. I look through all the chapters of my life, even before I knew Him, and I see how He was at work. I can see where He tried to speak to me and teach me something, and I can see where I ignored Him.
At Training camp, I was broken apart.
But, I was also redeemed, and pieced back together.
I learned that it's okay to feel hurt, and to be broken. It's okay to not be okay. But the cure to a shattered self, is a God that makes you whole. Put your burdens on Him, and allow Him to fill you. He has so much to pour; so much to give. By fully laying down all your hurts at the foot of the cross, you are allowing the beauty of a Saviour to lift you up.
