It was our second night in Moldova and Team Sojourner was sitting around in the dining room of our host home having Team Time. Having received the Sunday service rundown from Veta, our hostess, we began to prep. Testimonies, song choice, and a sermon. I love participating in service and wanted to volunteer. As I am not musically inclined and have already shared my testimony twice, I jumped at the chance to preach the sermon.
Sure, I haven't ever preached before, but I've lead Bible studies and taught youth group lessons. This would be a challenge, but not too difficult. After Ben and I double checked with the host that it was ok for a woman to preach, I began my prep. This largely consisted of praying and seeking the Lord for His word and guidance. I also asked many others to pray for me as I began, and I read every Bible verse and reference I stumbled across in hopes that this would be the topic God had in mind for me.
You can imagine my frustration when by Friday night I still had nothing. Not even a glimmer of a sermon topic. So I shared the struggle with my team. They gathered around me in prayer and sought the Lord's blessings. Even though frustrated, I was still trusting Him. This was clearly an exercise of faith and patience. After all, last Sunday He waited until during the actual service to give me the words to my testimony.
So fast forward to this afternoon, Saturday at around 4pm. At this time you would find me in the vineyard of our host home, hiding out amongst the rows of grapes. Tears streaming down my face. Bible clutched in my hand. Begging God to give me something, anything, to speak about tomorrow.
I am not a quitter. I have already told people I am going to preach. I don't want to back out and have people think badly of me…..And as these thoughts were running through my mind I began to process how utterly selfish they were. I had to stop, right now.
I had to accept His love and truth. I had to recognize that even though I was willing it does not mean I am ready. And I am not "giving up", I am waiting on God's timing. He will tell me when He is ready to use me in this manner. And how much better will it be when I am answering His call to preach and not just taking it on in my own will?
