I cannot tell you how many times at Training Camp and Launch we were informed that, as Racers, you will often be expected to lead an entire church service, sometimes without any warning. In order to prepare yourself, they suggest that each team member have a testimony or two and notes for a sermon on hand. In addition a team can pick 3-5 songs that they know well enough to sing a cappella from memory. So in my journal I prepared a testimony to be able to share if needed. Which would have been helpful this Sunday morning if I hadn’t left my journal (and Bible and water bottle) laying outside in a courtyard in a different town.
To add to this I had an argument with a squad mate as we were beginning the service. Satan was building his perfect storm to prevent me from speaking. I was already feeling unprepared without my notes, and this argument left me angry and frustrated with the squad mate and myself (particularly because I was in the wrong and not quite ready to admit it). So when my team leader Ben leaned over to me between worship songs and whispered, “Are you ok to give your testimony today?” I promptly responded, “No. I really don’t want to.” And I quickly resumed my pouting and feeling sorry for myself.
The internal battle began immediately. “God understands. I don’t have my notes. I’m really upset right now and just not in the place to share.” Satan could taste victory. I tried to take my mind off everything and simply focus on the song lyrics- a good idea since we were leading worship. I honestly can’t even tell you what song it was now, but God began whispering His love and words into my heart. He revealed to me that He did in fact want me to speak that morning. And it ends up my journal would have been useless anyway because it was a different testimony that He wanted me to share. As the song was coming to an end I breathed a prayer, “Father, forgive me for sinning against my squad mate, cleanse me from that now. And Lord I don’t have the words written down for this testimony, but I know the story you have given me. Provide the words that You would have me share. Holy Spirit be with me.”
The last notes played and I leaned over to Ben, “I can share. I changed my mind.” Being the loving leader that he is, Ben didn’t question me, just smiled and cracked a joke about the powers of Chris Tomlin. Check mate Satan.
In the way only our all-powerful and compassionate Father can do, He cleared my mind, removed any nerves, and gave me the words. As I began speaking I felt totally at ease. I was surprised at how much more conversational and natural this time felt than the week before when I had shared a familiar testimony with previous practice and notes. It was all God. He had a plan and a message, I was merely the vessel.
When I sat down after sharing, I was so filled with joy. This did not come from the words I had said or the “success” of the delivery, but instead from my Heavenly Father. He was patient with me when I did not want to share. He was gentle with me in His prompting. He was generous in giving me the words. He was faithful in delivering His message. And He chose to use me in the midst of my sin and selfishness.
Our omniscient and omnipotent God does not need us, but in His perfect love He uses us anyway. What a beautiful reminder of this I received this morning. In what other life circumstance does the most unqualified receive the position? In the circumstance where mercy and grace reign. Praise Him!
