Men,
I feel like I need to start with an apology. For years as I grew up, I saw you as the person that was meant to take care of me. Perhaps it was because as a little girl, my only understanding of men was my Dad, and God the Father. From the start, I held you to unrealistic and unreasonable expectations that left nothing but room for disappointments and broken hearts.
Before I graduated from college, I had three failed relationships and had a confirmed belief that relying on a man for anything made me a weak and helpless female. In a world where independence is preached from every angle, that was the very last thing I wanted. I became more outspoken, more opinionated, and more determined, which created less and less space for the men in my life to speak into any area of my life. I left little room for a man’s perspective as I wrestled with questions about church, gender roles, my future, relationships and other things people figure out in college.
Of course I had guy friends in college, but anytime I was affected by their words or actions I berated myself for “caring too much.” I wanted to be a caring person, but never to the point that I could have my heart broken. For those of you that know me, you know that I failed miserably because I care about people greatly, but that only lead to a stronger aversion to love because it always left me feeling powerless and hurt.
What I have come to realize on the Race is that women need men just as much as men need women. Men may be the “leaders,” but without women, men would have no role to play. Working side by side is where our strength lies. I am not talking about in a marriage, although that – of course – is true in marriage as well. With Manistry month a few days away, I wanted to write a few things to keep in mind.
Please know that you are not our savior, and it is unfair for anyone to tell you that you are. It was never intended for you to save us from previous broken hearts, working out our dreams, or fears of providing for ourselves. There are a lot of women who have yet to receive their wholeness and/or callings from Jesus but it does not fall on you to save them. With whatever authority I have on this earth I release you from “fixing” brokenness in women because you can’t – only Jesus can; so, let him.
You also need to know that you are much more to us than a status that women hope to attain. While a lot of Christian women hope to get married someday, know that you have more than one role to fill in a woman’s life. While being a husband is an extraordinary role men fill, there is much more. Being a brother, friend, teammate, and leader are also important roles, but still do not define you. Your identity is first and foremost son of the most high King. You are valuable and worthy because of what Jesus did. Don’t ever forget it.
Because of the authority God has given you I want to remind you that you are meant to speak truth. You are meant to fight for justice. You were destined to pursue honorable and noble things. I believe you can do this but more importantly God has made a way for you to do these things. In fact, Paul asked for nothing less from Timothy.
I want to take a moment to speak to two men that have been with me through one of the weirdest and most challenging seasons of my life.
Kenneth,
I can’t help but laugh when I look at how far we’ve come. We have moved on from almost constant annoyance and bickering to legitimate conversations seeking wise counsel. I am blown away by how much you’ve grown in the past 4 months and look forward to seeing how God continues to teach you as you continue to seek him.
You are an honorable man. You stand up for what is right even if it causes people to get uncomfortable. I love how bold you are, and your tenacity will serve you well in your future with medicine. Your faithfulness and loyalty to Christ and the people he places around you are to be admired. Men everywhere could learn a lot about this from you. So as you leave the World Race I have a few things I would like to say.
I dare you to continue to be bold. Be bold in every area of your life but do so with a gentleness and understanding that can only come from the Lord. Not only will this make you more like Jesus, but this will allow those around you to take your words and be blessed by them.
I dare you continue to give recklessly. Give more of your time, efforts, and money to those around you. You have a divine ability to see opportunities to serve that others overlook or simply dismiss so take advantage of that gift. This will not only benefit your future relationships but will also aide your career in medicine. My only caution is to remember to balance your calling and your relationships. The Lord will give you wisdom in how to balance the two so that you can do both of these things well.
I have come to care about you a lot and expect to receive regular updates about your life and your journey to med school. Once on my team, always on my team.
One last thing, please for the love of all things good, cut your nasty, long hair. Love you bro!
Your favoritest bro-chick in the history of all time,
Liz
Isaac,
It’s been quite a wild ride so far. Thinking back to our first sick day, I can’t help but snicker at how quickly our friendship has grown. I have appreciated getting to know you through serving with our two teams in South Africa, then as teammates on Fierce Pursuit, and then again on Holy Fire. Your perspective and insight have been one of the very few constants I’ve retained on my race, and I am so grateful for them. You have a way of helping people keep perspective in the midst of disagreements or debates. That is a rare and crazy useful gift that is irreplaceable on the World Race and in life.
You have learned early on how to take whatever life throws at with grace and gentleness. What I love most about you is how you have perfected how to be strong yet gentle. This is such an uncommon combination to find in a man, and it is so refreshing and easy to be around. You have taught me a lot about submission through your particular, gentle leadership style. I hope that Jesus used me in your life half as much as he used you in mine.
I am so excited for this next month for you. I hope that the men of iSquad continue to help you understand and grow into what a man of God looks like. I also hope that they learn how to lead while thinking of those they are leading more than themselves from you. Whether you continue to be with me on my race or a switch is made, I am excited to see the things you will learn and do the last four months of the race.
Like Alex, I have a few challenges for you. I challenge you to continue to take intuitive with prayer. I think you have much more to discover about what impact your prayers make in the lives of those around you. Prayer is your greatest weapon against the kingdom of darkness and your insight allows you to pray into things that others don’t see which makes you really important. If I was to guess I would bet satan would want to make sure you sat out of the game so never believe the lies that your prayers don’t matter. Coach definitely wants to put you in the game. Pray for your words, and they will come in time.
You’re awesome. You’re also disarming me with your eyes.
Liz
