I have been in a lot of Christian communities, and most of them have been lacking. This is not to say I didn’t receive from them; I’ve received wonderful things from every community I’ve been in; but there was always a part of me that knew there was more. To be honest, I’ve still only glimpsed the kind of community I want to live in, but it’s been enough to give me vision and hope; enough to show me how to pursue it.
I have come to realize that the enemy of community is pride, the right to be right, protection of self, and concern for self. Most people are far too concerned with themselves. I have been far too concerned with myself. Until we are broken of these things, we cannot enter community well. We must be willing to be vulnerable with each other: to admit our own faults, to lovingly point out the faults of others, and to celebrate each of our individual glories with humility. And, we can never be intimate with each other without being intimate with God. It is in His confidence and rest that we gain the courage to allow ourselves to be broken and vulnerable.
Christian community can look like lots of things it shouldn’t. The kind of Christian community I have spent most of my time in is community that pressures me to conform to certain standards, that makes me feel like I need to “earn” or “do” something to be okay, that makes me feel guilty (which is from Satan) instead of convicted (which is from God). I have been encouraged to apply biblical principles to my life that show me how to try harder and do better – but in the end, I still failed.
My second team on The World Race (FUSE), was the first place I began to feel safe. And my feeling safe didn’t come easily. My team had to push in, to fight for it, to love me in word and deed far beyond what I deserved or “earned”. Let me be clear – it wasn’t perfect. I didn’t always feel loved. In many ways I had to choose to trust despite this or that, but overall I became convinced that their intentions were for my good and they loved me just as I was. And then, just as Henri Nouwen’s quote suggests, I fell apart. Falling apart hurt, but it was a hurt that had really been there all along, I just became willing to acknowledge and recognize it. As I began to face things in the safety of my team, I moved forward into hope of restoration and healing.
And this is what I believe true Christian community is as Christ intended it – a safe place to fall apart. A safe place where people are accepted just as they are, and able to walk in their brokenness and poverty. We can only do this in and because of Christ’s love, and that is what makes it so distinctly Christian.
