Meredith Grey Speaks Again…

So I know it’s kind of ridiculous that I keep writing blogs
off of Grey’s Anatomy, but the writer’s have some valid, good thoughts that are
speaking to me so I figured why not. 
The episode I just watched was unlike any Grey’s I have ever seen. The
entire show was looking back over the case of a patient to see who in the chaos
of the ER was responsible for their death.  It felt like a crime scene investigation and the purpose was
to find out what in the world happened and ultimately the truth.  No one wanted to own the mess or admit
their faults out of fear of losing their job.  My favorite thing about Greys Anatomy and why I continue to
watch this show is Meredith Grey’s closing thoughts.  As this episode closed here is what she said:  “When we’re headed toward an outcome
that’s too horrible to face, that’s when we go looking for a second
opinion.  And sometimes the answer
we get just confirms our worst fears. 
But sometimes it can shed new light on the problem and make you see it
in a whole new way.  After all the
opinions have been heard and every point of view has been considered you
finally find what you were after, the truth.”

 

Now you may be wondering where I’m going with this blog.  You may be even thinking what is so horrible
that I don’t want to face it?  Truthfully,
there isn’t anything horrible in my life right now.  Life is good, I have had an amazing year.  I traveled around the world literally and been a part of God’s work on 4 different continents.  I am more at
peace and feel more joy in my life than I ever have.  I am in love with the Lord and I want my life to be about
Him and pleasing to Him in every way. 
However, something that is coming is another big transition.  I hate the word transition.  It is an evil word.  Even after moving every three weeks
this year, I don’t like transition. 
It is scary and unknown what will come of it.  I mean don’t get me wrong, I know that transition and change
is good and it causes growth, but I still don’t enjoy it.  For the last 2 months I have sought
numerous opinions regarding my future. 
I have sought the Lord and wrestled with Him.  I have sought opinions from trusted family and friends.  I have sought opinions and discussed my
future with godly missionaries I have met all over the place.  God has spoken truth to me through them.  This past week God revealed how much I
fear commitment.  This was
something I have known, but as I have discussed this transition and re-entry it
has confirmed my worst fear.  For
many reasons, I am scared to commit to anything overseas beyond a year.  I am afraid of what that will mean and
what dreams I may sacrifice in that commitment.  It has shown me how much I still desire to control things
and how little I trust God at times. 
At the same time light has been shed and I am glad I can verbalize these
fears.  I am thankful for the new
ways God is allowing me to see and deal with things.  At the end of day, TRUTH is what I want, His will for my
life is what I want, He is what I want and nothing else really matters.  I know that I know if I seek Him the rest will fall into place.

 

I loved how Meredith closed out this episode.  She said, “But the truth isn’t
where it end, that’s just where you begin again with a whole new set of
questions.”  I am confident God will show me 
where I need to be next year and the years to follow.  I believe He will walk with me through the transition. And I know that I will still
have questions.  It will be a
different set of questions, but there will be questions.  God has a plan I know that.  He has determined and guided my path
for the last 30 years.  It has been
a pretty amazing journey with many ups and downs.  I have faced tragedy and dealt with loss.  I have experienced joy and I have felt pain.  I have seen the world and served amongst the poorest and richest of His people.  Through every experience I have learned, grown and become the women
He created me to be.  In Isaiah 30:21 he
says, “Whether you turn to the right or the left your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,
‘This is the way, walk in it.'” 
Until I hear that voice clearly in regards to my future, I will continue to seek Him with all my heart and I will keep
saying, “Here I am, send me!”  When
it is clear, I will walk and continue to ask questions along the way. 

Quick Update:  For those of you who saw part 1 of Stephen’s testimony on my blog…click here for the rest.  It is at the end of this video.  Enjoy!  We are safe in Munich, Germany and loving it!  We have been spending a lot of the time with the Young Life staff here and it is great.  God is doing big things through them in Munich!  There is so much history all over the place and I think I was born to live in a city.  Your prayers are felt, so please keep praying!  We head to a little village, Lam, Germany on Thursday to see a family friend.  Then we will head to Prague, Czech Republic on Monday.  Time is flying by!!!

(Caleb & Noah from the Czech Republic – just b/c I know they want to be famous!)