Here I am in India. It is eerily strange how familiar the world race feels. After 11 months on the field, returning to this lifestyle feels so natural and instinctual. I go on autopilot on travel days. I don’t totally check out (because that would be irresponsible), but I am definitely victim to pack mentality. after a year of traveling with such a large group of people, It is hard not to have this sort of attitude.
But this time, traveling was not the same.
Things are very different now than they were with my last squad. I am surrounded by a totally new group of people. Alumni Squad leading is a world of in betweens. I am completely immersed in the world race, but I am no longer just a racer. I am no longer just a peer and a friend. I am expected to be a mentor. I am expected to have meaningful insight and experiential wisdom. I know when the squad looks at me, I am not just Liz to them. I am defined by the role I am supposed to play and the responsibilities I committed to.
It is incredibly uncomfortable, and a little bit isolating.
So here I am. Sitting underneath a large colorful circus tent held up by bamboo sticks, sipping on chai tea and listening to the sweet murmurs of my new squad and the pitter patter of raindrops on the canvas.
It took until now for the reality to set in. What the heck did I sign up for? This is my life for 6 more months. I have said yes to something very unfamiliar and I have a duty to glorify Christ with my commitment.
But it is funny, half of my heart is uneasy while the other half is overwhelmed with an abundance of peace. As I look around at these beautiful men and women, I see image bearers of Father and my heart aches with love. I have never been more proud than I am at this moment. These brothers and sisters have also said yes. Jesus has asked them to follow Him and they have responded to his voice.
And I know they share my feelings of discomfort. We are all strangers in a strange land. But this strange land is not the world race, it is not our perspective new unfamiliar roles, it is not the culmination of our circumstances, and it is not the country of India.
The reality of the Christian life is that as citizens of heaven, this earth is not our home. We don’t belong to our hometowns or our comfy church pews. We aren’t satisfied with our material positions. We don’t belong to the world race. We even feel uncomfortable, at times, in our own families and friend groups. Our soul longs for belonging and a place to call home, but nothing on this planet quite fulfills that void.
Going on this Kingdom journey is a great gift, because it awakens us more and more to the discomfort that has always existed. And we cannot cling to what is familiar because it is now thousands of miles away.
There is a quote by C.S. Lewis that says: “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
God is telling me this morning that there is so much beauty in the tension, in the feelings of discomfort and displacement. We are meant to live in this space as we journey through this life.
The home and familiarity I felt with X squad didn’t have to do with the people, but God’s shared presence between us. I got a taste of satisfaction only because we participated in communion with our Father in unity.
It is SO GOOD to be reminded again and again where my home truly rests so that I may be found in Him.
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:18
With these truths in mind, I can recognize my feelings of discomfort for what they are and what they are not.
The enemy wants me to believe that I am just reacting to changing circumstances. That my emotions are an excuse for anxiety and fear. That I feel unsettled because I am a hopeless wanderer with no direction in life. That I am ill equipped or not capable of the calling of God.
But the truth is that this dissatisfied reality is just a symptom of the fallen world we live in. When I am unsettled and feel like I don’t belong, it is actually a testament to God’s promises – that I am a daughter and coheir with Christ. That I walk by faith and not by sight. That I am not enslaved by what is seen – my present circumstances, my emotions, my struggles, my humanity, or the confines of this broken earth.
I know that I have experienced true love in the Lord, that I have tasted and seen his glory, and that I am a spiritual being longing for total reconciliation. Like a restless bride dressed in white anxious to be reunited with the lover of her soul.
One day soon the wait will end. But until that day, I embrace the anticipation. I will let the discomfort propel me into action. I will let the tension serve as a reminder that my hope is real and I’ve been promised the keys to the Kingdom. I get to participate the Kingdom on Earth and share my everlasting hope with it’s inhabitants.
“I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are faithful and true.”
He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son…” “
