“Would you go for just one?”
Hang in there with me on this one.
I hurried to the blank page of this blog to spill. To spill about how as I’m really starting to prepare for this mission, calling insurance providers to see if Malaria and Rabies vaccines are covered, writing and editing and deleting and re-writing my support letter 100 times, etc., I’m not so sure how it all makes me feel, honestly. To spill about how spending nights talking our “baby” voices (don’t ask haha) with my mom are starting to make my heart hurt because I know how painfully I’m going to miss being able to do that. To spill about how bad I hope I get to talk back and forth with Rachel before I go. And to spill about how getting to spend “so much” (relative but we’ll take it!) time with Jordan lately makes me question if I thought my decision through enough…
But then…a punch to the throat. My mind did a flashback to Christmas when I was sitting in my grandparents’ living room, my little cousin Claire sitting at my feet, and my aunt next to me. Our eyes welled up with tears as I told her about what I was being challenged with. I was being challenged with this thought: Would you go for just one? Would I say some painful goodbyes, release the grip on my savings account if need be, risk losing the love of my life, stall a position/career I’m too fortunate to even have, and push aside the regrets of missing birthdays, new babies, friends/families highs and lows…? Would I do this if it meant staying in the center of God’s will- to “go and make disciples of all nations”? And finally, would I go if it meant having the opportunity to tangibly show God’s love to just one who had never heard of such a Savior?
Yes. And Lord, please humble me when I worry or question otherwise.
And let’s be serious. It’s not about ME. It’s never about us but about Him. It’s not about being righteous and focusing on the “sacrifices” we have to make to go and love like Jesus did. Is there such a thing as sacrifice when we compare it to what God did for us anyways? No. God made the ultimate sacrifice. He sacrificed His son so that each of us could be saved. He sent Jesus to die and rise again to give all of humanity a love and hope the world had never known.
But don’t we believe that God had each of our faces in mind when He sent His son? Don’t we believe that Jesus had each of our faces in mind as He hung on that cross, knowing that this was bringing glory to His father and saving us? I do. God sent Jesus for just one, yet all. Jesus died and rose again for just one, yet for all. And how could we want anything more than to follow His example. To “sacrifice” because it means the opportunity to bring our Heavenly Daddy glory and to show a love someone may have never known.
During our conversation, I remember my aunt saying, “Claire, we’re going to miss Lisa so much aren’t we but we know they’re going to help other people and love other little girls that need it a lot too”. Looking back, that gives me a lot of peace. It hurts to think I may not be able to love up on “my people” 🙂 here as well while I’m gone but I know Who’s hand holds them; I know they will be loved.
Thanks for working through that one with me.
Hug for you,
Lisa
