I stroll silently through the woods looking across the placid lake and surrounded by the towering trees. 
I am still clutching the muddy rock in my hand trying to understand what the Lord is saying to me. As I start up the first real climb, I am still battling with the Lord. I am fighting for my “rights” and He is fighting for my heart.
When we began our surrender walk, the Lord had asked me to lay down my right to defend my rights. We were asked to find something that represented what we were surrendering. I searched around the edge of the lake to find something to represent this right that I was laying down. Finally I found a rock, just barely sticking out above the mud. Most of the rock was firmly planted in the ground; it reminded me of the way I firmly plant my feet defending myself. I dug the rock out and clutched it in my hand, not sure if I was ready to let go. I began to walk and to pray for the strength to lay down my rights.
As I continue to walk, the Lord begins to ask, “Why is this so important to you Lisa? Why do you feel such a need to defend yourself?” The first thought in my head was because if I don’t no one will. The Lord begins to ask not just for my rights, but for my heart as well. He wants to be my defender and protector. Slowly I begin to understand this isn’t about my rights, it’s about my heart. It’s about trusting the Lord with my heart. My grip loosens on the rock, but it’s still held securely in my hand.
I continue walking and the Lord speaks truth of me. He replaces lies about being unprotected with the truth that I am His beloved daughter and He protects my heart. I begin to believe Him. I begin to trust. 
I climb the last mountain. It becomes more and more difficult. As I finally reach the top of the mountain I am facing the cross. As I talk and pray with Laura, telling her my struggles to trust and to believe. She looks behind her at the cross and asks, “Can you trust this? Can you trust who He is at the cross?” Yes. Lord I do believe. Help me overcome my unbelief. I finally release my grip on the rock. I gently place the rock and my heart at the foot of the cross.
*Where do I go from here? To find out what happens next, check out part 2 of this blog later this week.
