Today was my last day at Westwood Church, the place I found my community; a community was harder to say goodbye to today than I though. I was grateful to help lead worship one last time and our last song was “The Stand” by Hillsong United. I am the kind of person that connects deeply to music and this is one of those songs that really just speaks to my soul.
Chorus:
So I’ll stand, with arms wide and heart abandoned, in awe of the one who gave it all. I’ll stand, my soul Lord to you surrender, all I have is yours.
The song starts out slow and reflective and then builds towards this powerful, declarative chorus where the power of my voice isn’t enough to match the feeling in my soul.
Today this song was a struggle for me to get through and I will admit I didn’t get through it without tears. At the end of the service I dissolved into a brief puddle of tears (normally I would cry it all out but I had a lot of people I wanted to see before they took off). My pastor came to talk to me and asked if why I was crying. I told him I wasn’t sure. He asked me if it was cause I was afraid. I told him that I was not afraid but rather I was sad; sad to be leaving. It then reminded me of something I had written in my journal months ago that was probably at the root of my sadness in that moment…”Church is going to look very different for the next 11 months”. I won’t have my usual spot, I won’t have an air conditioned sanctuary with comfy seats, I won’t know the order of service like the back of my hand, the pastor won’t be keeping an eye on his watch to make sure we all ‘get out in time’, I won’t know the music they sing, and it most likely won’t even be in a language I understand. That is a lot to accept and say goodbye to.
These feelings beg the question I have asked myself many many times of the last 7 years of attending church; what makes a good church? Is it the pastor? The people? The songs they sing? The scripture verses they chose to read? The convince of time and location? The denomination? Am I selfish for wanting to have church meet my requirements for what I think a good church would be? Just like no person is perfect no church is perfect either; you take the good with the bad.
So back to my original question then; what is church? Church is a place to celebrate God. It is a place to encourage other believers and be encouraged yourself. So while I won’t have my usual spot in my comfy air conditioned sanctuary I am going to ask God to make me comfortable instead. While I may feel discomfort not knowing the order of service or how much longer the service will go I can remind myself that the presence of my team is an encouragement to the people of this church and I should be thankful for the opportunity to be there with them. And when I don’t know the songs or language I am going to remind myself that I don’t need those things to celebrate God. Celebrating God means being joyful for who God is. Watching others worship and seeing their passion for God brings me joy knowing that the God I love so deeply is also the God they love and worship.
So while church will look very different over the next 11 months if I dig a little deeper and move from how it looks to how it feels I think I may come to realize that church feels like church no matter where you are, what songs you sing, what scripture you read, regardless of who is preaching, how long the service goes, or what denomination it is.
In two weeks I will be experiencing probably my first church service in Bulgaria and I can’t wait to share with you about it!
