This is post is copied from my journal written on December 23, 2014 when, in my heart and mind, I committed myself to this missions trip.
Our Great God
“The Lord is my sheppard, I shall not want” Psalm 23:1
But my worldly sinful brain does want. It wants a lot! Nice things, comfortable things, latest electronics, more clothes than I need, a husband, a child, stability…
I have been praying for an answer as to Africa vs. World Race and on Friday I got it. God kept up his end of the bargain and gave me no one to go to Africa with. While I feel peace and know that deep down this is probably what I always wanted, I can not help but feel afraid (and on Friday felt terrified) I have the comfortable, easy life I’ve always wanted. I may not have the husband and child but I have basically everything else I need. To go on this mission trip is to give that up.
I will come home to no condo and moving in with my mom, possibly no car, and an uncertain job. But maybe that is part of this whole experience. Maybe it has become to easy and comfortable and maybe I have become complacent. As nervous as I am for the future post race I know God has a purpose for me on this race. And I am so excited to let go of control and hand it over to Him, fully trust and depend on Him to provide, and see what amazing things He can do both in me and through me.
“You Lord are my lamp, you turn my darkness into light” 2 Samuel 22:29
He is the lamp that can guide my way to the dazzling future He has in store for me and I am so excited to start down this journey!
