It’s officially Christmas on every side of the world. We’ve done everything from putting up a Christmas tree to making ginger bread houses, but the hard truth about being away from home is that Christmas simply can’t be the same. Thailand is at 90 degrees at this time of year, there is no sign of Christmas around town, and my family and friends are on the other side of the world. This season is full of joy, love, and celebration of God’s sweetest gift. Nothing will change that, but my favorite season is still so hard to not be in Oklahoma for.
During this Christmas season, I’ve realized that being away from my family and friends is by far the hardest part of the Race, and it’s much harder than expected. I never expected to say that a complete change in culture is so much easier than homesickness. After all, it’s only nine months, right? Believe me when I say that time is flying by, but that’s also longer than you think. I’m going to be very honest with you, I can’t count how many times I’ve wrote “I want to go home” in my journal. Not because I don’t love what I’m doing and where I am, because I do. Not because I don’t love my community around me, because I absolutely do. I couldn’t dream of missing out on what is happing here, but there are days when things happen at home that I can’t help but want to be apart of. Things like that happen often, but missing out on the full Christmas season is challenging, to say the least.
A few days ago, God hit me with a reality check.
Back story:
Every year, one of my absolute favorite parts of Christmas is the lights. Hours of endless driving through every neighborhood we can find is something I look forward to every year. I’ve said for a long time that the best conversations and relationships are formed during car rides, and adding twinkling lights, cold nights, and the warm spirit of Christmas to my favorite moments is something that can’t be replaced. Driving has been the American luxury that has been hardest to be away from (yes, more than hot showers and even Chick-Fil-A), but I’ve missed those night time Christmas light drives more than I ever thought I would.
Last week, our host decided to take us on an adventure day full of surprises. The day was full of everything from feeding monkeys, good sushi, floating markets, to hiking up a bat cave. After every event, he would remind us that he’s saving the best last. With each adventure throughout the day I would think “there’s no way the last thing could be as good as this.” As the day came to a close, we watched the sunset on top of a mountain, watched 100 million bats fly out of a cave, and feasted on the best Thai food I’ve ever had. How could it get better? My team loaded the car for our final destination, and we drove in the dark for about an 30 minutes, and just as I was about to fall asleep, I look up to see Christmas lights.
These weren’t just any lights, either. Out the window was dozens of beautiful trees, wrapped just the way I like them in my favorite color of Christmas light. Each little branch was perfectly lit. I suddenly had a wave of excitement, knowing that if we were stopping here then the best would be last. I waited patiently for the car to slow down, and finally… it didn’t. We drove right passed them without even a second glance. With a quick glimpse of one of my favorite parts of home, I almost burst into tears. I was disappointed and so homesick.
Soon after, we reached our destination. We got out of the car, and quickly started speed walking to follow our guide who was obviously in a hurry. We ran through the middle of a night market, and up and down plenty of roads. As we reached the end, our guide handed us each a life jacket and jumped in a boat. We quickly followed, and soon realized that this was a private boat. We started floating down the river, and turned into a very dark part of the river. When I say very dark, I mean not one thing was lit and not a building was in sight. In the midst of the dark, the boat turned off. We turned around to see what was happening, and our host pointed to the trees. We looked up, and the trees we’re completely lit with fire flies. It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Each tree was covered in the lightning bugs, as if they were covered in Christmas lights. Our host called them “Thai Christmas trees” and couldn’t pick a better name for them.
As we floated along, silently watching the fire flies shine their light, God whispered to me. “Why are you missing home, when your home is with Me? Why are you missing the things that I provide? Don’t you see that while you’re focused on the gifts that I have given you on the other side of the world, you’re missing the gifts that I am giving you here? Then it hit me. While I was busy being in a bad mood, I wasn’t able to look around and the beauty in what was happening around me. Before our host pointed them out, I didn’t even notice the lights because I was too occupied thinking of what I’m missing at home. God sees what my heart desired and misses. He sees what I love, and even gave me the chance to go see the coolest Christmas lights out there while floating down a river.
God did all that, and I could have missed it.
I could have missed the fire flies. I could have missed walking my students to their home in the village after school. I could’ve missed getting to teach some of the sweetest kids English everyday. I could have missed all that’s to come, but God chose me to be here. Now it’s my turn to make a choice. Everyday is a choice to wake up and be present, and to wake up and choose joy. Because in the end, I am home because I am in the middle of where God has placed me. That’s the season that I refuse to miss out on.
