On the World Race, I constantly found myself asking the same questions: Am I making a difference? Is what I am doing really matter?
When you only at a place for 3-4 weeks, it often seems like you aren't making much of an impact. Sometimes you may only get one conversation with a person, and you are left to wonder, "Will that moment bear fruit?" Sometimes we get to see the fruit but so many times we don't. All we can do is plant the seed and trust that God, the ultimate Gardener, will do the rest.
When God called me back to India for a month, I found myself defending the month part. A lot of people thought I was going for longer, so I would say "We'll, I really wish I could, but 12 months away from the States is long enough, and well, my sister is getting married and I have to help with that."
Why couldn't I just tell people it was because God called me to only one month? I think part of me doubted all that He could do in a month. And even I was leaving India for the second time, I found myself asking, "God, did I make an impact for Your Kingdom?" Often, during that month, I had feelings of laziness, tiredness, and selfishness. There were days that I didn't choose in. And there were other days that did, but I believed the lies of the enemy that what I was doing didn't really matter or wasn't enough.
I have been home now for 3 days, and even in the flurry of things, each time I told stories of the last year, and of India, the enemy still spoke those lies. Only, instead of taking them to Abba, I tried to ignore them. God is so good though and this morning He woke me up early to see a blog post written by a passport girl. A blog about Jodi and I. A blog about how she saw the love of Christ through Jodi and I. And how she has fallen in love with Jodi, just as I did almost exactly one year ago. This blog was answer to two prayers. While in India, I prayed that God would reveal more of himself through Jodi to others, just as he was revealing more of himself to me through Jodi, and I prayed that others would fall in love with Jodi just I had.
If today, you need a reminder of God's faithfulness, read the blog below, written by Kady, and you will see how God answered my prayers in a way more beautiful than I ever hoped or imagined.
There's a little girl here (for her sake lets call her J), and she can walk. And while that might not seem like a huge thing, it is undoubtedly one of the most amazing things I have seen in my lifetime. Because for one so small and with a disability like hers, it is an amazing feet to accomplish, especially here in India. And since coming to India a little over a month ago I have watched J firsthand flourish into a spitfire little girl who will trample you if you don't get out of her way fast enough. A little girl who giggles lots and asks for hugs boldly, who loves with a gentleness and a grace that just melts your heart and leaves you wanting to love her more. And she is phenomenal. And she can walk.
When I first met J, she was in a crib. Laying down looking at me but not really seeing me, in a room full of children doing the same thing. Yet she saw someone. She saw L (not her real name but changed for privacy). And L saw J. And I watched as L cared for J in a way that previously no one had. In fact L had met J over a year ago and then returned to India just for her. L wanted to love on J in a way that previously no one ever had, because by India standards J was not only a girl but a broken and sickly girl, the bottom of the bottom. But L saw with the eyes of Christ and loved J because she was and is beautiful in so many ways. And so they worked. Everyday. And L wanted to leave India with J having accomplished walking,because if she can walk she will get so much more attention and care. She will be able to help care for herself.
And so L and J worked. And J started to stand and then fell a lot. And then started to take steps with someone holding her up, and fell a lot. And then started to take steps and fell a lot. If you haven't gotten the picture yet J fell so so so much. But she loved L and L loved J through the frustration and the tears. And then J walked. L let go of her hands and the little girl whose balance was off and who laid in a crib day in and day out took off on her feet with a purpose. And she walked across the courtyard. And I watched and honestly got a little choked up. Because from day 1 I watched L love J with an immense amount of intentionality and purpose. And it was GORGEOUS.
And 3 days ago L had to leave. And J felt the absence. Because when someone loves you as much as L loved J, you feel that hole when they leave. And I know L feels that hole for J as well.
And throughout this whole process of J learning how to walk I have seen Jesus so clearly. I have seen the tenderness of Christ as he patiently walks beside me as I fall. I have seen compassion as he holds my hands. I have seen freedom as he finally lets go of my hands so I can walk on my own, even if I stumble and fall. And I have seen an everlasting and undying love that has the power to change someone's life for the better. A love that has the power to bring life and purpose. And when I prayed to see God move and to see miracles here in India, I never thought my miracle would be to see a little girl walk. But that is a miracle in and of itself.
And as for J. Well you can watch her walk across the courtyard now. And when she falls, she smiles as I walk over and pick up her hands to pull her back up. And she giggles when I pull her into my lap and love on her. And she has STOLEN my heart. And the little girl who once only saw L and stared past everyone else is no more. Because now J sees everyone. And everyone sees J. And she has flourished in the love of everyone around her. And she has experienced God. The work L began in J changed her life, and she is continually being molded and changed as she captures not only the hearts of everyone around her but God's as well.
Through both L and J I have seen God work a miracle. Because now J's life is changed. And I know that one day J will not only walk but RUN into the arms of Jesus.
