Last week, one of my squadmates shared that in the bible, one of the meanings of "To Dwell", means to literally pitch a tent. One example was when the bible said that Jesus dwelt, or "pitched a tent" among us. As racers are required to pack tents, this meaning hit home with her, and it did with me as well.
A few days after she shared that, we were headed to church, and I was in a terrible mood. I had let annoyance and bitternes creep in, and was listening to the subtle whispers of enenmy. Before walking in the door, I told the Lord that I needed him to change my heart. I was supposed to speak about the World Race at the service, but knew my heart was not at all in the right place. I even walked up to my friend and asked him to find someone else to speak.
But within twenty minutes, I told him I had changed my mind… rather, God had changed my heart. While worshiping, God reminded me of "to dwell". For a long time, I had been asking for a better understanding of Christ's sacrifice. I knew in my head that He died for me, but I wanted it to be more real in my heart. In that moment though, as I asked God for even a moment of extreme understanding, I felt God saying, "Even if you felt one moment of what my son felt on that cross, you wouldn't be able to handle it. But that is precisely why he had to die. So that you wouldn't have to bear that weight."
But then I heard something unexpected: "But I have given you the opportunity to a deeper understanding of another part of the sacrifice- my son left Heaven, left the comforts, left behind all that He knew to be with you. He took on trials, suffering temptations. He took on weariness, hunger, and thirst. And I have given you the chance to experience that for yourself."
In July, I said goodbye to the country I called home. I said goodbye to the promise of a warm bed, my favorite foods, getting what I wanted when I wanted, etc. This past year I have "endured" bugs, really hot weather, really cold weather, bad bathrooms/bucket showers/squatty potties, lack of sleep, sickness, being mugged, etc.
In Kenya, Judith (who ran the orphanage we were working at) told me she couldn't do what we were doing. But the truth is, I could never do what she is doing. Judith trusts God with everything. She said yes to God's call with out hestitation, and without and "roadmaps".
This last, as much I have given up some comforts, there others I have still clung to. In the countries where I have seen M&M's, I have bought them! And I have kept up to date on some of my favorite TV shows. And the times my team has access to internet, I too often take full advantage of it. This year, God has been teaching me a lot of submission, surrender, and what it means to die to oneself. And truthfully, I have still have a long way to go. In Kenya, I stumbled across the book, "Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light". I think God knew I needed to read this book. Its really humbling. The intimacy that Mother Teresa experienced with God, I want that. But I see the things she gave up for God, and it terrifies me.
My prayer is that God continue to strip away my desires for the things that are not of him. My prayer is that Christ can continue to teach me about true sacrifice. My prayer is that the Holy Spirit will produce in me His fruit and that I will walk more and more in the spirit, and not in the flesh.
Eastern Europe is full of worldly comforts that Africa did not have. But it is also still full of poor people, lost people, hurting people. People who need the love of Christ. Pray that I can look beyond my own flesh. And pray with me about my time in India. In 1.5 months, I'll be saying goodbye to the 47 people who've been my community this past year. I'll be journeying back to a country that was far from easy. But this opportunity is an answer to a prayer that I prayed during my first month of the race. I prayed, "God, my teammates affirmed that I was stepping out of my comfort zone today. But I know that what I did today, I did on my own strength. Abba, I pray that I will step out in Your strength. Imagine the glory that will be given to you when I finally do that."
If you had asked me during those first two weeks of India if I would ever go back, my answer would've been "Absolutely not." But God changed my heart. India will by no means be easy. But I am so excited to see what God does in me and through me during that month.
And please pray for my journey home. Pray for my transition. Pray that I will hold dear the lessons God has taught me over this past year.
Thank you so much and God bless!
