Yesterday, my squad left Nepal. After a two hour layover in Delhi, India, where I proceeded to fufill my desires for American food with Domino's and Haagen Daaz, we arrived safely in Thailand.
One of the wonderful parts about the race is debriefs every two months. Debriefs are a chance for you to debrief with God, and for your team to debrief with squad leaders and coaches. It is also a chance to refresh and catch up with squadmates. I was looking forward to the latter, but I was nervous about the first part.
You see, I hadn't been honest with my teammates. I had some frustrations and hurts that, instead of confidently voicing, I had kept bottled up. This morning, I woke up with aniexty for the afternoon, when my team would debrief with the squad leaders and coaches.
Before I speak about debrief, let me remind you of some of my prayers I had had for my time in Nepal. I had asked God to:
-Refresh me
-Heal wounds
-To bring me to a point in dancing confidentally in His presence
Two hours before we met with the leaders, my team got together to talk. And finally, after weeks of holding it all in, I let it all out. I stopped beating around the bush. I was honest. I once again felt heard by my team. It was tough, but good. It was messy, but beautiful. God used today to heal wounds. When we went to speak to the squad leaders, Melina said we all looked like we glowed, like we were refreshed by the Lord.
I realized today how much I have lacked confidence. The true confidence that can only come from having an identity found in and affirmed by God. It is why I have struggled to walk fully in His freedom. It is why I haven't been "all in" for the first two months of the race.
We spent our last few days in Nepal at a place called Asha that is an home for rescued children. While listening to my ipod and singing worship music alone in a field, I asked God to give me a confidence to dance for Him in an uninhibited manner. I had been wanting to dance while singing His prayers, but in that moment, I had felt awkard and kept tripping over myself. Then, one of the little girls that lived at Asha came up to me and wanted to listen to my music. I put one of the earbuds in her ear and she began to dance… in the exact same way that the uninhibited me dances. Her dance moves were exactly the same as mine when I am dancing on my own, completely unselfconcious. Quite often those dance moves appeared in my car (which is where I often feel most free to be myself these past few years).
I felt like this was an invitation from God to dance in the confidence He gives me. And I did. I danced for my Abba in a field with a little Nepalese girl and it was wonderful.
And after the time I had with my team today, I feel more free to "dance" in front of them. To be more of myself. To be the Lindsey that God created me to be.
I am Lindsey. God has created me to be unique and one of a kind. I am meant to confidentally "dance to the beat that He designed for me", aka walk in full confidence of the identity He has bestowed on me.
I am a beloved daughter of my heavenly father. I can dance confidently in that truth. No matter how ridicuously goofy that dance is. My Abba delights in it.
**Stayed tuned. Tomorrow I will post one more blog about Nepal. And in a week or two I will post about our Thai ministry. If the rumors are true, I will get to spend part of the month loving on Burmese Youth and playing soccer with them. I am unbelievably stoked to spend a month using the gifts and talents that God has given me**
