Hey everybody! Last month (August) was All-Squad-Month so my whole squad was stationed in the city of Rizal in The Philippines. What a great month! We worked with an organization that had so many different ministry options. They had daycare, teaching, construction, a pre-natal clinic, discipleship, swim lessons, guitar lessons and more! It was great! We had the opportunity to get plugged in any way we felt the Lord had gifted us. I spent the majority of my month doing construction, working in the pre-natal clinic and even helping teach guitar lessons. Oh, and did I mention that I was able to help deliver TWO babies that month!!! It was AMAZING!!!
Month 8 was great, but it wasn’t without its challenges. For some reason, I found myself in a season where I felt like the Lord was silent. That was the first time I had ever experienced that since being on the Race. For me, hearing the Lord is a HUGE part of my relationship with Him. It’s like oxygen. Necessary and life giving. So imagine how lost I felt when I found myself unable to hear my creator. My father. My mentor. My first thought was, “What have I done?? Have I messed up in some way? Did I somehow let sin enter my life and form a wedge between me and the Lord who is too holy to be in the presence of sin?” I felt like my prayers weren’t going higher than the ceiling. I didn’t feel the Lord near me. I felt alone and left behind. This silence was deafening and lasted for a solid week or two. I’m not going to lie. When the silence first began, I kind of freaked out a little. But as time went on, I was reminded of truths that the Lord had shown me over my past few months on the Race.
“Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.” ~ Ephesians 3:12
“And I am convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love.” ~ Romans 9:38
“And He gives grace generously.” ~ James 4:1b
“But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear him.” ~ Psalms 103:17
These were all truths that the Lord had shown me this year. That He loves me – and His love is a forever kind of thing. Just because I didn’t feel Him or hear Him didn’t mean that He wasn’t there. And there was NOTHING I could do to make the Lord stop loving me. He loves me just as much when I am serving Him passionately as He does when I mess up. For some reason, the Lord was choosing to have me walk through a season where I needed to learn to cling to my faith and what I know to be true – even if I didn’t always feel it to be true. So that’s what I did. I read my Bible, prayed and worshiped; even if I didn’t feel like anyone was listening. And eventually, I heard Him again. Slowly at first and then one day I just knew He was there. And even though the silence sucked, my faith grew so much during it. I had to choose to believe that He was there; even though it was difficult.
Month 8 I had to learn how to choose. I had to learn to choose to pursue the Lord even when I didn’t feel Him near. I had to learn to choose the Lord first when I was surrounded by friends and distractions. I had to learn to choose faith when situations were discouraging.
I think the Lord was preparing me for life at home after the Race. I’m not going to have the same chill schedule that I do on the Race which allows me to have quiet time for a few hours each morning before I head off to ministry. I’m not going to have the same God-focused community to hold me accountable when I’m not seeking the Lord first in my life. Now I’m ready to choose the Lord at home, every day and in every situation.
