I think I have said the words “wow the world race is over” around 500 times in the past two-ish months. It’s this same weird realization I keep having that this thing is really done, my people are all over the states (and Canada) and life is moving on. I can indeed drink the water in my shower and I don’t feel the need to ration out my dove dark chocolate to last me as long as possible.
I’ll be honest, I came home and nearly forgot that the race was a real thing. It felt like a dream or some really good reality show I watched on Netflix. But I lived the journey, lindel girl did the thing. I just kind of floated back into the same routine pretty quickly once my feet landed in Knoxville. It was easier than I expected to suddenly become materialistic and ungrateful when I got home. I was feeling discouraged and defeated, thinking why the heck did I even do that if nothing actually going to change? Thank goodness for project searchy and all the goodness it brought. I spent a week being reminded of what I walked through and who I know the Lord to be. I spent much needed time with people who know me deeply and love me with the purest intentions. It was refreshing, it was a time of reflection and remembrance.
In the same way that the race didn’t “save” me, project searchy didn’t save me either. The Lord saved me. He smacked me in the face and convicted my selfish heart to walk humbly with him. Lorddddd knows I ain’t perfect, but I’m finally doing well and walking out the things I learned over the past year. Ya know like grace, identity and vulnerability.
Home has been some of the weirdest yet sweetest of times. My family simply is the best of the best and I don’t know what I ever did to deserve them. Y’all seriously they rock. My mother has been loving and patient, listening with such intent and holding me as I ugly cry. My father has been eager to adapt my new habits and sayings into his life. He loves to “take rest” and “amen” everything I say. My brothers have been interested and asking intentional questions. They’ve shown gratitude for a family they were so graciously brought into. My two oldest sisters have walked a similar path and understand the weird transition home and the sad heart over what I’ve just left. My oldest sister reminded me that it’s so okay to morn the race, the people that you love and may never see again.
And so here I sit. With tears in my eyes and an overwhelming sense of peace that this new season will be a good one. That this next year will look like learning how to be a student again, but one that walks with grace, love, understanding and a knowledge of who Jesus calls me. This season of school and home is not going to be a bad one, just a different one. My average days won’t provide me with ridiculous stories of India and moving cinder blocks across the entire country of Zambia. BUT. I will find adventure in the mundane Monday morning drive to school. I will seek wisdom. Hopefully I will get an education. I will love my Jesus and better the silence with my words. I will celebrate the small victories.
But before this next season begins, I believe in giving gratitude and thanks.
So, thanks. All the thanks to all the people. I don’t think anyone understands the amount of love I felt by the simplest of messages or phone calls. Emily, thanks for keeping me updated on all the random things of life back home that you know I love to know, it seriously means the world. Momma, thanks for always answering the phone and staying positive. Daddy, thanks for being steadfast. Anna, thanks for walking in vulnerability even when we’re a million miles apart. Madeline, thanks for always being a listening ear when I needed it most. Sar and G, thanks for sending me videos of Grace’s birthday party, I felt like I was aaaalmost there with you.
I can’t count the amount of people that have told me that they prayed for me every night while I was gone. Some people I didn’t even know they were believers, how cool is that? Trust me when I say your prayers were heard. Your prayers and kind thoughts helped me finish well and love those orphans deeply until the very end. Your prayers helped me stick it out in the worst of times. Your prayers brought together christians, hindus and muslims to all sing and fellowship at a candle lit service. Your prayers healed the sick. Your prayers protected and encouraged me.
Simply, I cannot say thank you enough. To all of you, allll the people out there who have made me who I am today. I would love to sit down with you and tell stories, catch up and answer any questions. I have a cell phone (8655998660) and a facebook and a car so please please reach out if you want to hear or know more.
It’s been a ride, a real ride. Let’s do it again soon.
all my love,
Lindsey girl
