Training Camp in 3 words- “What just happened?”
For the past 10 days I have been in the woods of Gainesville, GA being stretched to the limit physically, mentally and spiritually. I went to training camp thinking that I was made for this, after all the world race has been my heart’s biggest desire for the past 2 years, but about a day and a half in I realized just how much that wasn’t the case. I am so weak without the Holy Spirit and I have been trying to do this all on my own. In my head I thought I was doing it all right. I was saying yes and answering God’s call for me, however I didn’t know I wasn’t truly putting myself all in. I came to find the hard truth that I still had a lot of forgiving to do and I couldn’t do what I needed to be doing and still want things of the world. So with that being said- Jesus wrecked me this week. I had no idea how much I bottled up my emotions and how much I pushed them away, I had no idea how much unforgiveness I had in my heart towards myself and towards others, and I had no idea how much I was craving to be loved. I had so many walls built up over my heart that it was impossible for me to climb over them, I had no choice but to cry out to God and beg Him to come and break them down- and He did. And I am free. Becoming free meant I had to deal with my emotions and the things I have pushed so far in the dark, and seeing them in the light made it scary. I had no choice but to cling to my Heavenly Father and to my squad and there’s no way I would’ve made it through last week without them. I became surrounded by a new family and they prayed over me and into me words of encouragement and love. “You deserve to be loved“. E Squad, you loved me so well and I will forever be grateful for that. I will forever be grateful for the community you guys bring me. I am also so thankful for the memories we made this week- from sleeping under only a tarp, to sleeping under the stars, to playing cards in an “airport”, to bucket showers, to deep talks and prayers in the middle of our eno city, to all night worship (but I accidentally fell asleep around 1:30 praying), to always talking about what foods we were craving while eating things that were so far out of our comfort zone, to smelling so bad but just embracing it, and everything in between- you guys became my family and I am so glad I get to serve The Lord with yall by my side.
This week was not easy, and I know the next nine months are going to be just as hard. The devil knows how much God is moving in me and my squad and he is pulling out all the stops to try to hold us back, but it won’t work. With only a month left at home with the people I love I want to be 100% present and focus on savoring these precious moments. The thought of leaving my comfort is scary but I know that this journey is necessary for my own growth. With that- I am thankful for a God that is sovereign, a God that knows my heart and my desires, a God that provides, and a God that is so much bigger than any thoughts that would try to make my faith waiver. You’re a good, good Father. And I am loved by You.
