The Journey of Eleven.
I laid awake tossing and turning all night, feeling every feeling.
It’s the beginning of the end.
Something I never considered when I signed up for this thing. I never thought about every goodbye. I never thought about the relationships. I never considered the heartache.
A year ago when I met my squad for the very first time, I never knew I would encounter some of the deepest friendships I’ve had in my 26 years.
I definitely didn’t expect to experience freedom from a 20+ year addiction.
I never expected to be closer to my Jesus than I’ve ever been before.
When He told me at the beginning of this thing that He “would blow my expectations out of the water” I didn’t believe Him.
And here I am. Month 11, every expectation blown into miniscule bits.
I’m in complete awe. I can’t believe I did the thing. The thing I stumbled upon one day in an Instagram post from a total stranger and thought “ha, that’s way too cool for me.”
But He grabbed my hand, whipped me around and cupped my face in His hands and said “Beloved, no it’s not. I chose this path for you and it’s going to be an amazing ride.”
He handpicked my squad, my leadership, my teams. He carefully selected His 11 countries and sewed their names onto my very heart. He chose every face I would come into contact with, and He selected each ministry I would become involved with. He gave me strength for each day’s task, and He gave me beautiful sceneries to gaze in awe at because He knew that’s my favorite form of rest.
He knew every insecurity that I carried and knew the day and the hour that He would bring healing and restoration. He knew every moment when burdens would be lifted and I would walk a little lighter.
I’m here. And I’m sad, because every second of this season has been incredible and I don’t want to leave.
Yet He still gives me vision for the unknown future. I still hear His footsteps walking beside me. He grieves with me because He knows it hurts, but He stops me in my tracks and says “Don’t you dare say this is the best it’s ever going to get because I can’t be contained in that box and I have so much more for you ahead.”
To be honest, I have no idea what is to come. But I’m at peace. I don’t know the details, but I know that I’ll be “all in.” I know that I’ll be intentional. I know that I’ll be engaged. I know that my dreams don’t end here and that I’ll be a stronger and much more confident version of me.
This year has been one of the most difficult, most exciting and most rewarding years of my life.
To my supporters, you have given me the greatest gift life has to offer. I have experienced the gospel in its truest form and I can’t wait to carry that with me wherever I go. I hope you never stop giving other people the same opportunities you have given me. You have shown me the importance of giving because I know the receiving end is so humbling and worth it every time.
To my friends, transition will be hard. Some days I’ll be so thrilled to taste chipotle and shop at target, yet other days I’ll remember my friends who are lucky to eat once a day and I might have freak-out moments. I will struggle with moving forward, while also never forgetting what I just walked through. Just be with me. Just let the tears flow. Always encourage me to pray first. And always tell me to feel every feeling. Bitterness and frustration will most likely come, but give me so. much. grace. Thank you in advance for learning the transition process with me.
To my family. YOU- tears flow at that alone- you are the biggest reasons I’m here in this place. You are the reason I stumbled upon this and couldn’t stop thinking of even the slightest possibility that this was for me. You are the reasons that I made it. You raised me, you walked alongside me, you poured into me, you brought wisdom and grace and love. You showed me a glimpse of my Father in your love and discipline. You showed me His goodness and kindness. You help me stay close to Him and you keep me on the path. My life is better because of you. You get my greatest and deepest “thank you.”
11 months. 11 countries.
323 days. I’ve seen God’s love shine through every single one.
I can’t wait to see what happens next.
