I used to have so much anxiety. I would worry about everything and I was the girl who had a million questions because I wanted everything planned and laid out in front of me. I wouldn’t ever dare to step out of my comfort zone because I was so content with being mediocre. Then I met Jesus and got therapy and we’re all good now. #PTL
But within the last 5 years or so, something different happened. I became fearless. It’s as if anything that I would have normally kept my distance from now attracted me. I wanted to do all the things I was too afraid of doing. I came to this place in my life where I took pride in being fearless.
Spontaneity? I’m there.
Adventure? I’m down.
Backpacking the world for 11 months? Let’s go.
So I applied, got accepted and I have checked off (almost) my whole to do list to venture into the unknown because… I’m fearless.
I haven’t even boarded my first plane yet and God is already using the Race to show me that I’m not, in fact, fearless. Not even close.
My fears don’t look like most. I can kill a spider with my bare hands. I can jump off a cliff. I can drive solo for a dangerously long time in order to hike the Smokies. But letting go of everything I’ve been comfortable with for the past 25 years in order to step into the unknown and fully trust God. That, is terrifying.
Discovering the World Race was bliss. Two years ago I found the organization. It was a total dream come true and an answer to prayer. It’s been all I’ve talked about, thought about; everything I’ve planned for has come to this moment. But at the beginning of this year- the year I launch- reality sunk in.
The reality that I have to say goodbye to: my family, my friends, my city, my dog (real talk), my bed, 99% of my closet, all my favorite parks + coffee shop spots, pizza (even realer talk), hot showers, driving where I want/when I want + knowing my way around, ice cream (the realest of real talk).
Life is so comfortable. It’s pretty easy to say that I trust God in the tiny little box I’ve created for myself, but when He asks me to “step outside of the box”- and reassures me that “it will all work out” and says “My plans are great for you, you’ll love them, seriously do not fear, I’m God I got it under control, why are you going crazy?” (Probably not verbatim, but I am crazy sometimes, so He’s not wrong).
I wish I could say that it’s going to be easy to trust God in this next season too. But I have a feeling that I will learn a lot more about faith and trust in these next 11 months than in my past 25 years combined.
So, I can’t claim that I’m fearless. That’s a lie. But the coolest part about it is, I’ve found that I’m still willing. I may not always confidently trust in God throughout the journey, but I’ll still walk the path with Him. And that’s all He asks of us.
Always do what He asks. If there’s fear, do it scared.
“For I hold you by your right hand—I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.”
Isaiah 41:13
