I just had a people filled weekend and I’m exhausted. My family rolled into Memphis throughout the week for my senior recital that took place this past Friday night. After the recital I was surrounded by hugs, small talk, conversations, and tons of people. Saturday, I spent most of the day with my family that had come to town. Sunday, the only ones still remaining were my brother and his fiancé (who both stayed with me at my apartment). I dropped them off this morning. Luckily, some classes were cancelled and I came home to clean. Since then, I’ve basically been sitting in my recliner in my living room.
You see, I’m exhausted. It’s not that I ‘hate’ people, because I don’t. I just get really tired, really quickly. And don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful my family came to see me. But, I’m an introvert. I mean, I have learned in the last 3 years to be more extroverted. I have learned how to talk to people and network. I can be around people. I can speak in front of people. I can mingle. I can make small talk. I can be outgoing. But I desire, crave, and need alone time. There is something so peaceful for me to be able to have my own space. There is something that I just need.
I cannot image what the Word Race is going to be like because I’ll be surrounded by my soon to be new community 24/7 for 11 months. It freaks me out a bit. For this year, I have had my own apartment. I only live with my dog. But next year, for 11 months, I won’t have that space. I have no idea how I’m going to do that. I get snappy when I can’t recharge in my own space. I get easily frustrated. I get annoyed. I need my space. I break down.
But the reality is, I CANNOT DO THIS. Seriously, you have no idea. I cannot do this World Race thing. My personality doesn’t exactly work for it. But here’s the thing: God can. God can do this. The Holy Spirit dwells inside of me and is crying out on my behalf in according to the Father’s will (see Romans 8). The Holy Spirit gives me power because He has come upon me to go out to the ends of the earth (see Acts 1:8). Do I really trust God’s leading in all this? Do I really trust that He will give me the strength do this? Because honestly, I’m scared. I’m really scared.
I’m praying to trust Him in new ways. Sure, I went to Kenya for 8 weeks that one time and lived among 8 others in constant community… But that was only 8 weeks AND I had my own bunk that I could hide out in. In fact, I hid out many times, probably far more than I should have. I would get overwhelmed by all the people and children constantly wanting to see us. I would constantly get overwhelmed.
Pray for me as I pray, “God, I literally cannot do this thing, or anything, without You. You know how You have created me. You know that I have doubts about being able to make it for 11 months. But God, You gave the call. In my weakness, You make me strong. Now I can only boast in YOU. God, help me to boast in you. Help me to surrender and just trust that You’ve got this. I can only do this with Your Spirit and power. In the coming months before launch in July, continue preparing and stretching me to go. Continue to teach me how to lean into You and rely solely on Your strength and not mine. Amen.”
-Lindsay
