If you’ve never seen the movie, The Sandlot, you’re missing out on some great movie quotes. One of the most famous scenes is when Ham is introducing S’mores to the “new kid” Smalls.
Ham Porter: Hey, Smalls, you wanna s'more?
Smalls: Some more of what?
Ham Porter: No, do you wanna s'more?
Smalls: I haven't had anything yet, so how can I have some more of nothing?
Ham Porter: You're killing me Smalls! These are s'more's stuff! Ok, pay attention. First you take the graham, you stick the chocolate on the graham. Then you roast the 'mallow. When the 'mallows flaming… you stick it on the chocolate. Then cover with the other end. Then you scarf. Kind of messy, but good! Try some!
Now I'll share how what’s on my heart relates to S’mores.
When I left for the World Race I knew in my heart that there was MORE! There was more of something that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. Church was good…job was good…family was good…friends were good…life was good, but I knew there was BETTER.
I’ve been on the Race now for 5 months and so far, YES I have experienced more. The more has come mostly in this being a heart journey instead of a race around the world doing mission work. That’s what I’ve decided to rename the World Race…a Heart Journey! Many people told me that I would change this year, but I never really understood the meaning. In fact, I would even make that statement myself, “ I am going to come back a different person”, but then I would think, “what does that even mean?”
What has happened in the past 5 months on the race is that God is digging down deep into my heart and uprooting some heart junk that I’ve been carrying around, and some that I’ve been carrying around for 27 years. God has revealed to me that the way I’ve viewed myself, thought of myself, and talked to myself is unhealthy; He’s revealed to me that I was in a pattern of unhealthy relationships; He revealed to me that the way I viewed others, judged others, thought of others, and spoke to others is sometimes unhealthy. We all have junk in our lives, and being on this heart journey has forced me to face a lot of this junk, and then make the decision to allow God to remove the junk and heal my heart.
I’m now walking in more confidence that comes from being secure in my identity in Christ. I know now that I’m a daughter of God and I know that He loves me. My affection, affirmation, attention, and approval come from God alone and no man or woman. I now seek out God’s love above anyone else and that has flowed over into my relationships with men.
God pretty much slapped me in the face with the truth of my relationship pattern with men. Since the beginning of my dating life, I’ve been pouring too much of my heart into them, giving away a little piece of my heart each time, and then allowing my heart to be crushed time and time again. I would “put guys on a pedestal” and set high expectations for how they should speak to me, act toward me, love me, and give to me. Then when the guy would fail (which he always did because he’s human), I would be heart-broken because the relationship didn’t work out. I would give too much of my heart away and then allow a guy to throw it back in my face broken into pieces. Every time this happened it became harder and harder to break the pattern, as well as became harder to mend the broken pieces of my heart because there were to many pieces to put back together. God revealed all of this to me one night in Honduras. I declared that I am worthy to be loved by a man, I am no longer angry at the guys who broke my heart, and I will focus my heart on Jesus…falling in love with him. God showed me this verse: “An unmarried woman is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.” – 1 Corin.7:34. BOOM! Right there is confirmation that my heart belongs to God! One more thing that is happening with my heart is that I’m learning what it means to guard my heart. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard that phrase and how I’ve always thought, “Ok, well that’s easier said than done. I have no idea how to guard my heart because I’ve never done it before.” I’m so excited to say that I am currently walking in guarding my heart, even though I still don’t fully understand it. It’s amazing how God is really changing me from the inside out.
Another change that has happened is learning and walking in my spiritual gifts. I was raised up as a squad leader a month and a half ago, and I’ve been amazed at how God is bringing out boldness, courage, insight, feeling, and love. My love for my friends on D Squad and for my friends & family at home has grown in just the last month. I feel more for others and I’m learning to discern those feelings…are they my flesh or the spirit, and I’m learning to not let the emotions that flow from feelings take over. When I was first asked to be a squad leader, I knew that I would be walking closer to God and that our relationship would soar into new places. Well that is exactly what is happening…I hear from the Lord more now and I know how to listen and obey the Holy Spirit. As squad leaders we chase after many hearts, we make decisions daily (some very difficult ones), we have difficult conversations, we love hard, and we play hard. Ha! Our role is constant so there are times when we don’t get much sleep, we have to make decisions quickly, the day doesn’t play out like we planned, and we have to travel twice as much as the squad. Through all of that though I’m learning to fully rely on the Lord and trust that He is in control when I can’t be. I like control and it’s been quite a journey to allow God to have all of the control. I’ve also been amazed at how quickly I’m learning to trust Him in the middle of chaotic moments…calm down, say a prayer, sing a song, and just breathe. God showed me that I suffer from some anxiety and He’s been healing me of that as well.
I have been placed on a team with two amazing women who balance me out so well. God knew what He was doing by placing Brittany, Priscilla, and me together for the next 6 months. We have already united as a team and begun to truly love each other. We are learning our individual weaknesses, strengths, and gifts. It’s kind of like Captain Planet…you know, “when the forces combine…” Um yea, amazing things are going to happen! We named our team the Zealous Heart Chasers because we want to work with God in digging into hearts, uprooting junk, speaking life, and loving people.
The “s’more” is happening and I’m excited that I get to share this with you all! Please pray for my squad and pray that God will continue to show us MORE!
