It’s January 2nd and I am packing up my things to head on my
next adventure: 4 months leading world racers through Latin America. What a
life! Is it really mine?
To be truthful though the thought of putting the fatty
backpack I just carried around for a year- back on my back- makes my lip curl
and my right eye twitch. And the
reality of sleeping without my fluffy pillows and having to forfeit yummy fresh
salad greens sounds quite unappealing. I’m praying I won’t even see a single
grain of white rice while in Central and South America, which is unlikely.
Sometimes denial is a friend.
But I know, without question that I couldn’t possibly be
anywhere else in this New Year. I know that this is exactly where God wants me
to be. I know this is exactly who God wants me to be with, and there is peace.
Deep peace.
Not only because I know I am right in the palm of His hand,
but also because I feel more whole and healed than ever before. Much of this
came from the past year I spent abroad, but just as much has come in the past 5
months of being home. Specifically being in Seattle. I’ve fought living in
Seattle, even temporarily, for a long time. In fact the entire year I was
abroad I prayed I wouldn’t end up there again. Funny how, that was the only way
to get the breakthrough and healing I now have. I had to spend time on streets
and in neighborhoods with too many memories, and run into a man who broke my
heart whom I hadn’t seen since. It was necessary to face fears and let it all
be over.
I have prayed for at least a year and a half for God to have
His way in my heart. “Lord clear
my heart of any bitterness, unforgiveness and wounds from my past” I would
boldly invite. And each time I prayed this I meant it. Though I believed God
would do it, I expected it to happen quickly and painlessly- like a
supernatural operation in my sleep.
Wouldn’t that be sweet? So when I started facing some pretty difficult
things being back in Seattle I didn’t understand. To be honest I felt ticked
off and betrayed that God would bring me back to the place I didn’t want to be
to face things I could’ve lived without. “Haven’t I already dealt with this
enough?” But I have come to know God’s heart too well over the past year to
really think He would betray me or put me in a place without purpose. So I
trusted. And as time proved, He worked all things together for my good. And
instead of betraying me, He showed me honor by allowing me to confront lies and
fears that got in the way of our relationship. He honored my prayers. I remember a wise person telling me
last year “God isn’t interested in you being comfortable, He’s interested in
you being FREE.” Ain’t that the truth?
And how worth-it it is to spend some time feeling awkward
and sore- to end up with the peace and perspective I have now. I have nothing
holding my heart back from trusting the Lord’s road for me and His heart
towards me. And there is no better condition to be in when embarking on another
journey!
I fly out of Miami on January 5th bound for the Dominican Republic- where it all begins. Please keep us in your prayers and I will be updating my blog as much as available internet will allow!
