I have been
stateside for 3 months. That fact blows my mind! Some days I feel like I’ve
only been home a week and others it’s hard to believe I was ever away.
After spending time
in San Francisco, I landed in Seattle where I remain for the time being,
staying with mom and dad. It is feeding my soul to be around them. I feel
supported and cared for and I have my own bed- that I can get into any time I
want! I know, its only a bed, but ohhhh the decadence! I am loving sleeping with pillows, eating
greens, drinking straight from the tap and wearing skirts above my knee! Having
electricity all day and all night is really amazing and being able to go on a run
without people gawking at me is refreshing to say the least- there are so many
little things I’d taken for granted.
God has been so
good and so faithful since I’ve been home and I see the way He is redeeming life around me. I know He is moving in big ways in our country and He is using me to do so in
my friend groups and family- it’s really incredible. But I’m not gonna lie, my
re-entry experience has not been a cake walk. I feel like I don’t belong
here most of the time- like there has been so much change in me that I don’t
know how to be authentic in an environment I used to live so differently in. I come face to face with old patterns and temptations all the time and I don’t always win. Even in small ways. I
am already running the shower longer than I did when I first got home, and
finding myself tempted to buy crap I defintately don’t need. Spending time with
old friends is a blast, but there is so often a disconnect that wasn’t
there before, that can’t easily be explained in words. Of course it’s to be expected, and I did expect it. But it comes from me and my altered perspective, so it feels like I am
letting people down when I stand up for needs I didn’t have before. Its like
I’m straddling two worlds. Two me’s. And it’s a process to learn how to
gracefully incorporate parts of my old lifestyle into this new reality I live
in. Am I doing a good job of it? Some days. And some days I cry a lot and question a lot and battle a lot.
But this is just
life isn’t it? A series of changes, adjustments and learning a long the way? And we can only get better at it as we accept the change and when we are honest about the
challenges. Which is what I am trying to do now.
Sorry I haven’t kept in better touch with everyone. And there are many of you I still need to see. But for now I will use this blog to keep us connected and keep you updated as life in the U.S. progresses and as God calls me down new avenues.
Love you all.
