I have to see things in order to understand them. It is just the type of learner that I am. Thomas, the doubting one, and I have a lot in common.
John recounts for us, in chapter 20: 19-31 of his gospel, the story of Thomas’ doubt.
In verses 19-23 John tells us that the disciples were gathered together when Jesus appeared to them, showed his hands and side to them, he breathed and them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” Then Jesus is gone.
Thomas, the disciple who wasn’t with them in the locked room when Lord appeared, heard the story of the other disciples and replied, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.”
I would have said the exact same thing Thomas. In the Christian community we label him as “Doubting Thomas”. “Oh silly, Thomas,” we say, “How could you ever question the Lord showing himself? You have heard from others, yet you still don’t believe? These are your friends and your fellow disciples. Why would they lie to you about that?”
I don’t think another disciples’ reaction would have been much different from Thomas’. He just happened to not be in the room when Christ came the first time. The other eleven SAW Christ and his wounds and were able tell Thomas.
Maybe Thomas was speaking more out of hurt that the Lord didn’t show himself to him, then the fact that he really needed to see to believe it. I watch a lot of cop shows and Thomas seems to be playing the victim here. “He did what?! No, he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t come here and not see me. He loves me. We’ve spent years together. He wouldn’t come back from the dead and not see me.”
I do that a lot in my relationship with Christ. I play the victim. You showed this person this, and you spoke to this person in a dream, and they got to see such and such a miracle. When are you going to reveal yourself to me? When can I see your power? When will provide a miracle for me, the way you did for them?
I don’t doubt these things were done, or the Lords ability to do them. I just want in on the party. I am that friend who complains, “I am always the last to find out.” When the truth is, I just wasn’t around. This usually happens when I am me-focused and not He-focused. When I haven’t kept my “eyes on Jesus. The author and perfecter of our faith”.
On another note: Where was Thomas? Why wasn’t he in community with the other believers? There is something to be said about fellowship with believers. Maybe Thomas was like me and to busy being me-focused.
