My lack of blogging reflects my current state of my relationship with God. There hasn’t been one.
Recently a lot of struggles have been put in my path and all at once. It led me to question my decision to go on the race and whether or not my timing was right. Unfortunately it led me to questioning myself and not asking God for direction or guidance. With this small fence I began to put up, Satan then began to build a wall slowly in front of it. For a while, I didn’t even check the world race blog for fear of God using others to show me that the race is really where I needed to be.
I had also used work as an excuse to miss out on a couple of weeks of church for fear that the Holy Spirit would move me, and show me that what I thought was impossible was possible through trusting. However, I thought it was easier to runaway then to trust.
I have realized my close similarity to Jonah, with the Race being my Nineveh. I have heard the calling, but the moment obstacles are put in my way I run away.
I don’t want to run. I want to trust. I want to fall to my knees, lift my hands, and cry for strength.
This is the journey. I knew. I knew that the christian way of life would not mean an easy way of life here on earth.
I am here though, and trusting that God will provide a way for me to go. That’s what He has been wanting all along. Here I wait. Here I trust.
