1. We need to really trust God with everything.
Trust is not something I thought I struggled with. I mean, sure I had the occasional doubt and would sometimes worry about things like the future, but overall, before training camp, I would’ve easily said, “Sure, I trust everything to God.”
Well, God threw something at me the very first day of training camp that I never would have expected and that I was absolutely powerless to do anything about. One of my best friends and I were supposed to do the World Race together. We hadn’t signed up specifically to do it together, but it was just the way it worked out, and we were excited about it. All of a sudden, after the first day of training camp, it turned out that God had other plans. She had to leave training camp due to a family emergency and would not be able to launch with us in September. I didn’t understand. I was angry and upset, knowing that my friend was hurting and that nothing was happening to fix that hurt- in fact, I knew she was hurting even more because she could not launch with us in September. I spent the next day trying to figure out how I could fix this… who could I talk to and what could I do to make this better for her?
Essentially, God’s answer was, “Lindsay, I’ve got this.” What? I couldn’t see how He had this. I mean, she was still hurting. That needed fixing. Yet all I kept hearing throughout the week was that I could not be the one to do the fixing. I could love her, but I couldn’t fix anything. Ultimately, I had to trust that God had the situation in His hands- and I do believe that He does. But it took a while to get there, and I still have to work on being patient with this- it would be so great to see the reason for all of it right now, but instead He is telling me that I’ve got to learn to trust him with everything.
A passage I kept turning to throughout the week was 1 Corinthians 13:12-13 “We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.”
2. Our pasts affect us- including our walks with Jesus- more than we often realize.
So here’s another area I thought I had covered when I left for training camp. Sure, there have been times in my past where my faith has not always been a priority and where I have made some poor decisions. However, for the past three years or so, obviously I haven’t been perfect, but God sure has been at work in my life. So leaving for training camp, I wondered if I really would have any “baggage” to deal with… I mean, hadn’t I worked through this over the past three years as I grew in my faith and developed a personal relationship with Jesus?
As the sessions started, especially during our women’s retreat, I started to realize that although I know Jesus has forgiven me for any sins from my past, these things can still have an effect on my personal identity and relationships, including the way I discuss my past with others. At one session we were encouraged to give our testimonies, and I did- no problem. However, something began to bother me after I had shared. God helped me realize that I had talked about some events from my past so matter-of-factly, without showing any emotion regarding them. God reminded me that it was okay to be sad about where I had been- that those times are not something to joke about today or to tell stories providing entertainment to others.
You see, I was so used to joking about things I had done in the past, but I failed to ever mention what I had been feeling during those times. I hid the hurt and sadness back then by going out and trying to “fit in”, and I realized that even though I wasn’t doing those things anymore, I had never dealt with or acknowledged those feelings. After this realization, God used the next few sessions to really allow me to share these emotions about the past with others and to, in a way, grieve the feelings that I had never let out when I was younger.
3. Vulnerability is a good thing and God uses discomfort to grow us.
Perfect. On the topic of emotions, we have hit vulnerability! This word was used a lot at camp. One of the first sessions we had was on “emotions.” The speaker talked about how she “stuffed” her emotions inside as she was growing up, and after talking to other squadmates, I came to the conclusion that this is pretty common and it’s definitely the way that I’m used to dealing with my emotions.
I hate to cry in front of people! Now, I am fairly sensitive, so it happens, but I try to hide it- especially if it’s anything to do with myself or a situation in my life. Anyways, to bring this full circle, one of our first discussions where we were asked to be “vulnerable” and share with a group was to share about a painful event in our lives. It just so happened that this was the day after my friend had to leave training camp, and I was still pretty torn up about it. The night before, I had gone to sleep crying in my tent (exactly what they don’t want you doing at training camp). That was typically how I deal with these things- I get upset and cry on my own or just get in a funk for a while, but I get over it (or so I think) without discussing anything with others.
Well, Adventures in Missions has a different -and much healthier- way of dealing with emotions. During our “emotions” session, we were asked to share with our group, so I did. I shared how I was feeling, that I was upset, etc. I think I may have cried a bit. And then, after sharing, it was like a weight was lifted. Ultimately, I knew I had to trust God with the situation (lesson #1), but after externalizing the emotions that I still had regarding it, I felt 100 times better. Sharing this hurt helped me to move on (even though I hated that my friend was still hurting), and it allowed me to then really focus on all the other things God had in store for my time at training camp.
Throughout training camp I encountered many other uncomfortable situations- praying aloud for others (this one got much easier as time went on), worshiping in a way different than I was used to (this also got easier), revealing God’s word for others, and many more. Actually, all of these things got easier after a time. At one point I was literally arguing with God in my seat, I was so uncomfortable with something that I knew He was asking me to do. Ultimately, I stepped out of my comfort and did it- and it turned out to be something pretty great! In his book Kingdom Journeys Seth Barnes writes, “If you feel uncomfortable, then probably something good is happening.”
I know that God will bring me into a variety of uncomfortable situations over this next year, but I want to have the courage to step out and follow wherever He leads. Ultimately, I know this is what will result in continually growing in my walk with Him and I am so excited to see where it leads!
If you want to hear more about my experience at training camp, either email me at [email protected] or shoot me a facebook message. I love sharing about it and have so many awesome stories of how God was at work during the week!
