“Kayla, I have a uniquely weird and beautiful problem.
I can’t read your blogs anymore.”
I type over Facebook messenger from the other side of Cambodia.
Kay and I go back far before training camp. We go back to my acceptance date; February 27, 2015. Back when my calendar was filled with everything real estate related and the occasional surfing sesh. Back when I had only ever been out of the country once…to Canada.
KaylaZilch.TheWorldRace.Org is the first blog I ever read. I was hooked from the start with her tell-it-how-it-is writing style on topics that mattered. She has a way with adjectives that makes you feel like you’re in her skin; walking her walk.
I immediately related to her stories of struggle and triumph.
I’m proud to call her one of my truest friends and closest allies on this 11 month journey around the world. I’ve had some of my most defining moments this year with her by my side pulling me deeper into the revelations.
I go on to list the reasons I won’t be reading her blogs anymore…
“1. They’re so stinking good that even if I do get over the comparison issue as another writer, there’s still lingering self criticism for the way I care what other people think, when you so freely don’t. So I’m both inspired and perplexed by that.
2. I have about 15 blogs I’ve written on the Race and not posted. Why, you ask?
I get ADD, I don’t do the final edit, a week goes by, I know I could write the blog better if I had more time and space to create, I remind myself I can’t take back words, and then I leave it in the abyss of my iPad notes. Then I see your beautifully pumped out weekly blogs and think, ‘why I no finish mine?!’
3. The third reason I can’t read your blogs (until I get over these 3 probs or the end of the Race) is because those half finished blogs I write are on the same topics as yours. Time after time, I see us writing on the same topic and don’t want our 100+ mutual friends to think I copied you lol.
I don’t know if you noticed, but the Lord has paralleled a lot of our struggles on this Race and even before the Race.
-why our generation is flaky and how to handle it
-despising social media, but also utilizing it to voice that (though oxymoronical)
-dreams of becoming a writer
-learning to live unapologetically
-the way we view sex trafficking
-the gain of a loved one, the gain and loss of another loved one
-eating disorders
-fam members not talking to each other, tired of trying to be the glue, learning what new role we play
-Barbara’s death
-Alexandra’s healing
-nearing burnout
-meltdowns and breakthroughs
-sexual sin. what is it really? how do we avoid it when this race is over?
-spiritual warfare bringing up deep stuff from the past
These may seem like common Racer problems, but not really on our squad.
We’re fricken paddling our arms through the surf with little composure as the chaos crashes around us- it’s beautiful and messy, but it’s similar.
& One day I saw yours look more beautiful than messy and decided I should stop paddling hard and just wade off to the left, so no one notices that I can’t do it like you. That my hot mess is second to yours.
& As I write this, I think to myself
Wow. What an honor.
That God gave me someone with a completely different upbringing, from 5,000 miles away with an all too familiar hot mess of a story that I can relate to and seek comfort in.
Kay. I thank God for each of these problems, because as much as my flesh lets these reasons slow me down, the fact that you are continuing to share your stories and just being you, inspires me immeasurably.”
-End long Facebook message.
I wrote this on a whim, too distracted to take a much needed nap and not particularly knowing why I was sending it to her. Why not just think these things and not say them?
Kay responded with, “you should make this a blog.”
The irony is not lost on me, so here it is.
Because problems- even small ones- shared with others and brought to the light are more powerful than those left in the dark corner cabinet of your mind.
But everything exposed by the light becomes visible–and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. (Ephesians 5:13)
Maybe, part of living unapologetically is sharing the way God’s changing your life, even if it’s messier than you’d like to appear. And maybe, in sharing that, someone else will be inspired to share their story.
