I never thought it would happen to me.
You hear about things like this from former Racers friends and in romantic comedies, but you never expect it’ll happen to you.
Follow this calling whatever it takes; that was my goal going into this. Embrace whatever sacrifices, challenges, or pleasant surprises are involved. I was ready for it all. Or so I thought…
Then February 28th happened. I locked eyes with an incredibly handsome 6’3 South African rugby player and I was done for. Not only a gentleman among gentlemen who loves Jesus, but a witty one with a killer sense of humor too. With the fierceness and focus of a lion and the compassion of a first grade teacher, he is immeasurably more than I thought existed in human form.
Yep.
Just like that.
Is that love? Or is it just a gift from God crash landing into my world through divine timing and circumstance?
I’ll vote the latter for now.
I won’t say his name, because undoubtedly you’ll be tempted to Facebook stalk this fine specimen, but yeah he did change my Race. On a 4 day layover in Durban between ministries in Africa and Asia, we got to know each other better than some people I’ve known for years. We’d talk for hours.
We talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly. The struggles, the things that make us happiest, and the little random facts that only matter when you really care about someone.
All the while, I’m praying in my head, “God take this away if this is not of you. If this is a distraction from the enemy, I don’t care how enticing this is. I don’t care if this seems like the person I’ve dreamt of having in my life since I was little. Or that he speaks sentences I’ve always thought, but never heard anyone say. If this is not of you, please take this away soon. Make things not work out. Give me signs. You have a million ways of showing me if its not right.”
“But if this is of you and this timing is yours and our paths were meant to cross, help things to keep going well. Help me to continue learning and growing with you through this. I want You at the center.”
Both prayers were answered and the second one won by far. It’s possible this could all be an eventual lesson in patience only to lead up to heart break, but I don’t think so. I think God brings people in and out of your life and they often wind up exactly where they’re supposed to be for a reason.
People speak of elusive timelines that important life events should take place on. You’re supposed to date for about 1-4 years, be engaged for about 6-12 months, and live happily ever after for about infinity and beyond.
Depending on which part of the first world region you’re from, somewhere between age 20 and 27, you’re supposed to be married with kids and a career, most likely working towards buying a house.
If you’re reading this, you’ve probably noticed I’m not working toward the American Dream. It’s too small and finite for me. If comfort and a checklist of who I’m supposed to be are my only goals, I may as well check myself into the hospital and hook up the IV now.
Life is not some list of items I’m waiting to check off while I scroll through Instagram and watch Netflix. I’m no longer okay with just living in comfort looking for little things to distract me from the grand scheme of my reality.
What ever the Lord calls me to next is going to be even bigger than the World Race…which of course is terrifying. But I trust that God is a good God who keeps His promises.
He has blessings stored up for us. Whatever is next is even better. I’m literally moving from glory to glory out here.
No longer waiting for the bottom to drop out. I’m free. Free from other people’s expectations. Free from who I’m supposed to be. Free from searching for unconditional love from family. Free from the weight of my past.
He’s set me free, because He has all that I need. He knows what I need then He gives more than that. Every single time He comes through for me.
Guys, I fell in love with God on the Race.
The more I recognize the Holy Spirits direction for me, the more unexplainably miraculous days I have with Him. The more He teaches me, the more I immediately I lean on Him when things go wrong. Even a quick, “Jesus help” prayer gets answered in abundance. The more I read, the more I crave His Word. The more I notice everything is stripped away from me, the more He shows me that His love is unconditional and He will never leave my side. He is my hope, my rock, and my joy.
Now you didn’t think I was going to leave you hanging on the previous story?
Do I want to get married? Yeah, one day.
Do I want kids? For sure, in God’s timing.
Do I want a career? Only the ones He calls me to.
But I don’t need any of those things to start walking out the destiny Christ has for my life.
I’m not of this world. So why would I try to fit it’s norms?
I’m shooting for Kingdom Dreams in all areas of my life. Forget stressing about conforming to man made supposed to ages that would sound nice on a sitcom script. I want the real thing. Gods divine timing. Not some game where one fishes to find the other and through some online synchronization ends up on a coffee date with “the one.” None of that is me. I won’t settle for anything less than God’s organic timing.
I once heard a cheesy quote I liked, “don’t look for someone, you’ll find them while you’re out there doing what you love.” And that’s where I’m at. I met someone. I really like him. We’re not dating now. If it’s part of Gods plan, we probably will after the Race.
We set up boundaries of what it looks like to stay in communication as friends on the Race while still being fully present with the things God is teaching me in these last months out here.
After the Race, I’m planning on going home to Hawai’i for a couple weeks, catching up with the ones I love and miss dearly. Then, visiting some friends and fam on the mainland. Then, Project Searchlight. Then, I’m likely moving out of the country.
Won’t that be hard? Probably.
What if you fail? It’s worth the risk. I’ve been praying about which country God is calling me to next, because I knew it wasn’t home, and this may be it.
What if it doesn’t work out? I can’t spend my life wondering what if.
I recently learned that our responsibility is to answer the what. “What’s on your heart? What makes you come alive?” And he will take care of the how. The logistics; the doors of opportunity opening. So as long as He keeps opening doors for me, I’m going to keep stepping through them.
I don’t condone finding someone you like on the Race, but if your paths cross inevitably and you’ve brought it to God first, don’t beat yourself up because your timing doesn’t match the contract and you don’t have an off switch on your feelings. God didn’t create us like that. You can still abide by the contract, have respect for the season God has you in, and have feelings for someone 10,000 miles away. If anything, God will use it to grow you immensely in patience and trust with His timing.
My advice for you would be to pray about your future now. Stay present in this Race in all the same ways you would have before. Have grace with yourself for not always being on the timing man says you should.
Make sure you set boundaries of what healthy communication will look like and have team mates who can hold you accountable to that. One of the points of the Race is to have at least 11 months with God as your focus. If you can honestly tell yourself that’s still the case then I wish you blessings with your friend that might one day be more than a friend.
In the mean time, you are living one of the most radical adventures you will ever go on and facing trials that will impact the rest of your life. Don’t blink.
