On my face in a fancy hotel

The local Christian churches in Phuket, Thailand got together and threw a huge Christmas party at this really nice, fancy hotel. We were able to go and help set up and help during the event.

 

I was ready to help and I was a bit annoyed. I was annoyed that it felt like I was one of the only people in our group that wanted to work. I was annoyed that it felt like we weren’t given much direction in what to do. In this culture you have to take initiative and just jump in. So I did. We blew balloons and made a balloon arch. It was fun. We had lunch there and met another team working with a different church. It was great to see North Americans (they were from Canada).

 

IWe went to the mall afterwards and I just felt like I didn’t belong. The place was packed with foreigners (white people) and tons of stores with brands from home. Christmas music was playing and there was a huge movie theatre. It should have been spectacular and all I could think about is, when I get home will I fall right back into commercialism? Will I forget all I learned and just fall back into routine? Its not satisfying. It’s not enough. Then I had my first experience with the sex trade industry (you can read my blog ‘Heartbreak at the Mall’ for more info). I was overwhelmed.

 

We headed back to the hotel to help with the Christmas Event after we stopped at the hospital to visit Emily, whose been sick. We arrived and the staff took care of us. The party had already started and they wanted to feed us dinner and give us snacks. I felt so overwhelmed. I couldnt understand why. We are here to help and you are leading me to a private room so we can eat dinner. I just couldnt understand.

 

While I was sitting there eating, I just heard the Lord. He broke me in the little room with Jennifer and Anna. I got on my knees and put my face to the ground and just cried to God. I have been so ‘me’ focused. So self centered, so selfish. I lost sight of the whole plan, the real reason I am in Thailand. Outside the tinted doors was a party to celebrate the birth of our Lord. A party to celebrate the freedom we have. The same freedom we wouldnt have, had Jesus not been born. This party was intiving non-believers to partake with us in our joy. To see and hear what we hold so dear and I was sitting on the couch a bit miffed and annoyed about stupid things. I was upset that I wasnt able to work directly with the sex trafficking industry. I was upset with squadmates and then the Lord spoke to how he loves those people out there just as much as the people on the streets. He loves equally. There was an opportunity right outside the doors that I could choose to be a part of. God doesn’t need me to make his plan work, but if I choose I can be a part of it. It was wrecking. When did I loose focus? When did some people become more important than others? When did my comfort and my desires become more important than God’s will?  We all need Christ. We all need salvation. I keep getting tripped by such trivial things and what I need to do is serve God with all my heart, soul and body. Wow, God. I need you more than ever.

 

The Lord has a purpose for me. Whether or not that is for me to stay in Thailand and finish the race or to go home I dont know. What I do know is that I have to choose to do God’s work where ever I may be. I want to be here to be God’s hands and feet, but I cant do that without your help. I am still short about $2,440 of the $14,300. I need this last amount by December 15th (thats in 3 days!!!) or I will be sent home. If you want to help keep me here you can donate on the left-hand side under Support Me! If you want to become a monthly supporter you can there as well, please message me under ‘Contact Me’ if you want to be a monthly supporter or are planning to give at a later time.