Travel Day Pt2

So I haven’t been doing great writing blogs, but I have been journaling. For this blog I decided to take a bit of my journal and post it here for you to read. I feel its pretty raw in showing how I felt through the travel days…

I am flying over the European coastline at 5 something am. The Air France staff is great and so amiable, friendly and helpful. it’s a beautiful start to the day. The sun is beginning to peak over the horizon coloring everything a light orange and fiery red. It’s still dark enough that the cities look like pretty yellow starts next to the water. Breathtaking. I wish I had unpacked my camera to show you.

Yesterday I left New York, the day before I left Houston. I left my family in tears with my dad crying and my mom hugging me tightly. I left my sisters and my church friends after playing and talking to them through the night. I packed frantically before getting dressed and leaving my for my plane ride at 6:09am. I said goodbye to people and a life I could have had but now never will. I freaked out a bit on the plane. It just hit me that I was leaving home and everything I have ever known. It was like all of a sudden I understood the weight of my leaving and for a few seconds I wanted to walk out. I wanted to go home. It felt so real I was leaving. God wants to do something in me and its happening.

 I have lots of worries and I don’t know what I am doing. There is so much to tell. How I got here, how I stayed and eventually how it will all end. My heart and flesh weep in anticipation of what will come, the end or at least a revelation of the things God doesn’t want in my life. There’s a lot. My spirit rejoices for what is to come. It is a change long needed. It is necessary. But I miss many things–my life, friends, church, family, people I trust, control. I literally don’t know anything, just that I will arrive in Kiev, Ukraine today. I don’t know who I will work with, where I will be at. Just nothing. I feel like I’ve been making wrong decisions and that I am very broken.