As I stood at the corner of the soccer field across from the church compound that my team and I had been living in, I felt a wave of discouragement wash over me. I had successfully dumped another load of sand from the pile that my team and I were moving to the side of the road to be picked up, but it had been so very hard. The wheel on the wheelbarrow we were using was flat and it had taken my entire body strength to get it over some super rocky terrain, up a little hill and then to dump it out. Blisters were starting to rise because we had no gloves available and I was starting to feel pretty sick. On top of all of this (and probably the real reason that everything seemed like such a big deal in the first place), I was angry.
In the days leading up to this moment, there had been unkind words, looks and actions taken towards me and towards the people that I loved. I had let these build, feeding the frustration, hurt and confusion in me until they had simmered long enough to become anger. Angry with myself for getting angry, I grabbed the empty wheelbarrow and trundled my way back into the compound, biting my lip as I passed the other large pile of gravel that we would need to move as well. Fortunately for me, our God is such a patient God, creating purpose from what I might see as meaningless suffering.
As I came around the corner to head back out with the next load, two little boys sat waiting by my pile of sand. As soon as they saw me they ran up to me, each grabbing a handle of the wheelbarrow and nearly knocking me off balance. They smiled up at me as we made our way out to the edge of the soccer field and tried to tell me that they wanted to help (it took me awhile to decipher the Spanish). The joy on their faces at the prospect of helping the gringas move sand and gravel was the beginning of a wonderful attitude check. To them this was a game, a novelty, I mean its not every day that you get to use a massive pick axe, shovel and wheelbarrow and come on, a huge pile of sand to roll around in, throw at one another and play in? So we spent the afternoon giggling, precariously making our way down the long drive of the compound and somewhere in between shouting “be carfeul!” and marveling at the help that God sent me, my heart began to fill with joy again.
In the next couple days as we worked on this project, God continued to share really precious wisdom and encouragement with me. On the second day, he provided gloves for my very blistered hands and when I wanted to throw myself a pity party because I was sick, I looked up and saw the littlest boy working his heart out. His name is Jorge. He is five years old and his head hits right below my hip. He was the last one to rest and the first one to start working again. If he ever saw me struggling with something, he would jump into help. You could tell that he took being part of something the older boys were doing seriously. His smile is huge and his heart is noble and strong. It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself when God sends beautiful children with big hearts as your helpers!
The third morning God continued to minister to me on a much deeper level. As I was spending time with him, kneeling on my sleeping bag in the dark church, He showed me a picture of the person that had said so many hurtful things to me. They were speaking something unkind to to me, but they were looking past me. I turned to look behind me and realized that they were speaking to Jesus and rather than being filled with anger and offense, I was filled with fear and compassion for them. As a child of God, I no longer have the right to be offended because Jesus defends me to such a deep level that anything anyone says to me, they are actually saying it to Jesus’s face and vice versa: what I say to the people around me, I am saying to Jesus. Woah! I still say things I shouldn’t and sometimes vicious words still anger me, but this revelation is beginning to take root and change the way I see myself as a child of God and the people around me as His beloved children. I hope it encourages you as well! Thanks so much for reading:)
Life Updates:
My new favorite book is…Hinds Feet on High Places (If you haven’t read it, you should!)
I got super excited when I heard that…our team is going to be doing Unsung Heroes next month! This means that we will not have a host or particular place in Chile that we are going, but will following the Holy Spirit’s leading to find men, women and organizations who are giving their lives to build the Kingdom of God, documenting their vision and potentially partnering with them by sending future world race teams to them.
I laughed when…I was working on my Spanish with one of the guys at the ministry and ended up saying something about someone’s rear end instead of saying that the lemonade he was making was really good. It’s a work in progress:)
I cried when…I was feeling really sick and we were stuck in traffic. I have some sort of sinus/tummy infection right now. If ya’ll could be praying for that, that would be great!
I am looking forward to…seeing the sand art that the streets of Tegucigalpa are covered in for the Holy Week (this week) leading up to Easter.
