One thing I’ve learned, however obvious it may sound, is that Jesus knows each of us so so SO well. We can sometimes forget that when we fail to seek and know His heart, but He is always faithful, even when we’re not, and He is always watching, guiding us, loving us – it almost makes me blush ! The way I was called to the World Race was yet another way that God spoke to me, using what He alone knows about my heart to truly get me to listen. He does this all the time, and I fail to notice, except recently I’ve seen it more and more. I’ve seen it in the way He soothed my aching heart after a recent college reunion and gave me a dream that whispered such hope and loving kindness to my soul. I’ve seen it in the way He literally WASHED AWAY a to-do list I had in my hand after one particularly stressful day of work as I was walking home in a sudden, torrential downpour. The rain ran the ink off the page, staining my left hand entirely green (AHHH!) and forced me to look to HIM, not my list of things I wanted to control, in addition to giving me a good (doubled-over, mildly psychotic) fit of laughter. What a Dad! And He pulled the same kind of wonderful, clever shenanigans when He got me to come eye-to-eye with His plan for me this year…
I’ve had an itch to live abroad for a long time. After spending four years of college in my hometown, I was eager to explore a new place and challenge myself. This subsequent year in Washington, DC has been an answer to prayer in so many ways. I have seen the Lord work in my life in ways I could never imagine. My dear friend Farrell and I prayed for an apartment and roommates who were seeking God, and the Lord taught us to wait, to trust, and to be joyful in trials, as we crashed on couches, stayed in hostels, and lived out of suitcases that we brought to work. And just as we succumbed to feeling sorry for ourselves, the Lord brought us face-to-face, hand-in-hand with several awe-inspiring men, some of whom have lived on the streets of DC for nearly 20 years. I remember one man in particular, who was beaten up the week before, no longer had any front teeth, and was mugged for all of his seven dollars, and asked me only to pray for his mom, who was sick. That was a humbling conversation, to say the least, and one that the Lord knew I desperately needed. The Lord provided us with an apartment and an amazing roommate, Chae-Ri. Still, my heart wandered. In the beginning months, I was lonely, willfully ignoring the truth of God’s constant presence and love in my life. I prayed for friendships that would bring me closer to Him. The Lord was quick to soothe my heart, reminding me that He is my God and Friend who counts all my tears, who longs to be gracious to me, who rises to show me compassion! (Isaiah 30:18) He strengthened my long-distance friendships SO beautifully and blessed me with new, life-giving friends in DC. He made my two roommates become like sisters to me. I prayed for a church to be at home in; He brought me to GraceDC, where I met wonderful friends and other believers seeking to bring God’s love to the city’s poorest and most destitute. I prayed for service opportunities and a ministry for my time in DC; He brought twenty 11th grade girls into my life, whom the Lord has used to teach me humility, kindness, purity, and love. I prayed for true Christian community; He brought me to the Falls Church and into the embrace of recent college grads like me, who were seeking the Lord. God answered prayer in Farrell’s life, providing Marshall (HI YOU TWO!!!), and has given me a front-row seat to their amazing, Christ-centered relationship, as the closest thing they’ll have to a child for at least a short while… or maybe more like the closest thing to a well-loved lap dog. Either one. 🙂
I prayed for a hopeful future, beyond this year; He comforted me with His Word, showing me glimpses of the plan He has for me. He started with Isaiah 58, leading me to it in my quiet time, but also in my work at Georgetown University, where my colleague and I were asked to go to a movie screening at the White House, called “58: Fast Living.” The stories told touched me deeply, but nothing is like God’s own words breathing life and truth into my heart…
“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter – when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say:
Here am I.”
(Isaiah 58: 6-9)
In my haste, I applied to a program in Asia, thinking that could be what God intended for me when He drew me to this passage, but the interviewer asked me to only talk about Libby, not my resume, and I realized (mid-interview) how impossible it was to even begin that when I felt I couldn’t talk about Jesus in a secular job interview. I withdrew my application, knowing I wanted to openly discuss my faith in whatever I was doing, and knowing that God wanted me to be out of my comfort zone, in another country… The weekend prior to my interview, my friend Cristina came to visit us in DC, and she mentioned in passing a friend who was doing an 11 month mission trip in 11 countries. “Wow, that sounds incredible,” I remember saying, but once the conversation moved on to other things, I quickly forgot it. It wasn’t until afterwards that I was praying with Chae-Ri, and the number 11 just kept coming back to me… 11? I couldn’t remember the name of the World Race, so I looked up what I thought was the right info – “11 countries, 11 months.” As I read the blogs and the testimonies, my heart was pounding out of my chest, with this little voice in my ear, whispering, “Will you trust me? I created your inmost being, I am your keeper, there's so much more I want to show you. Will you go away with me?” I started the application that night, but wasn’t sure if I should finish it…
Then, Chae-Ri told me how she had a dream that I was speaking in tongues, smiling and praying with her. Wow. Me? I wrestled with the reservations I had about missions work – were we going to be sharing the gospel with people of other faiths? I am not comfortable with that. Who am I to tell anyone what to do with their life? He knew my heart, He heard my cry, and the Lord pointed me to Amos (of all books!) which instantly soothed my fears:
“Amos answered Amaziah, ‘I was neither a prophet nor a prophet’s son, but I was a shepherd, and I also took care of sycamore-fig trees. But the LORD took me from tending the flock and said to me, ‘Go, prophesy to my people Israel.’”
(Amos 7:14-15)
I saw here that Amos was not some patronizing outsider, pretending to know what was best for Israel. Instead, he was a mere shepherd, who simply obeyed God's commands in humility and love, leaving the results for God to deal with. I knew that God was asking me to obey Him in this, to humble myself, to acknowledge that He uses weak people, whom the odds are stacked against, to shine His strength and glory. I love that about Him.
Still, was this all just a coincidence? Something I made up in my head?
I was having one of my usual, fantastically uplifting phone conversations with my best friend Kara – Jesus knew I would listen to her. She said (in reference to a major life decision of her own), “You know, I’ve learned that, at some point, what most honors God is just taking that leap of faith and making a decision. He will guide us, but we have to hope in what is UNSEEN. A leap of faith is a leap OF FAITH.”
THANK YOU, JESUS! I finally get it! LORD, I am yours. Take me away with you!
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
(Psalm 73: 24-25)
