Let me preface by apologizing that I haven't blogged anything of substance in quite some time, I know you would like to be kept up to date on what's going on, and I've been slacking a little 🙂
The reason that I haven't been diligent in keeping up with the blog is because frankly, I hate it. Blogging means opening up my deepest thoughts and feelings about the Race and sharing them with who knows who, and it's just not something I'm comfortable with. However, this whole journey isn't even worth embarking on if I'm not going to allow myself to be open and vulnerable with my squad-mates, team mates and you, my supporter. 🙂 Personal growth is not achieved by shutting oneself off and building walls, it's only when we open ourselves up and are willing to share our weaknesses that we overcome them. So with that being said, let me tell you a little about what's been going on in my life as of late!
With my new-found attitude on vulnerability I decided to open up to the girls on my squad the other day about something I know I'm going to struggle with on the Race. Comparison. As a young women in my twenties, I'm at a stage in life where (according to the world) looks are pretty important. Everyone is getting married, or looking to get married, and after all, how am I expected to snag a husband if I'm not looking my best? Physical appearance has always been something I've struggled with. I've never been one of the skinny girls, my skin has never been clear, my hair never seems to be the right style… the list goes on. As I've grown I've become more comfortable with who I am, but I've noticed I'm always more prone to comparison when I'm around other girls for extended lengths of time, like leading youth camps or going on trips. It seems like some girls can just roll out of bed looking flawless, and I always seem to feel like the ugly leader of the bunch. I was looking pictures of some of the girls on my squad one day and my heart just sank. Ya'll, they're gorgeous. For real. I felt so discouraged. 11 months of not showering, sweating, no make-up, and these girls are all going to look perfect anyway. I kept this in my heart for a while, pushing it aside and pretending like I was above it, like when the time came it wouldn't actually bother me, but I knew it would. So I decided to come clean with the girls and tell them about my fear of comparing myself to them and feeling ugly and inadequate. What I got in return was more love and understanding than I ever imagined. The other girls immediately sent words of encouragement, telling me I was not alone, they struggled with this too and that we would work especially hard to build each other up on the Race and remind each other that our identity is not in our appearance but solely found in the love of Christ Jesus, They even started what we call "Fabulous Fridays" where we post something in our Facebook group that we love about ourselves.
This may seem like a trivial and selfish thing to get hung up on, but the truth is it's directly connected with ministry we will be doing. In Thailand we will most likely be serving in the Red-Light District, talking to women in bars who make a living selling themselves. How am I supposed to tell these women about Jesus, tell them they are so beautiful to him and worth so much more than what some tourist will pay for a night with them, if I don't believe it about myself? My U squad girls are helping me see that God made us all beautiful, not in some cliche Dove commercial kind of way, but truly beautiful because we seek to serve the One who truly is beautiful, and who made us in His image. I am so incredibly excited to serve in community with these amazing women of God, you just have no idea! 🙂 Love you girls!
P.S. heres a blog my squad mate Lindsey posted on the same thing… she's a little more eloquent than me 😉
http://lindseynewberry.theworldrace.org/?filename=fabulous-fridays
